I wish I could pick you up and take you out for coffee (well, I’d have chai) so we could talk face-to-face. I don’t know what singleness looks like for you. Has it been a long season or a short one? Are you widowed or divorced or never married? Regardless of your story, I’m guessing Valentine’s Day might not be your favorite time.
I’m trying to decide how I feel about it this year. I used to dread seeing all the commercials and romantic social media posts. One year I even watched Gladiator on Valentine’s Day, hoping the battle scenes would counteract all the sappiness. I’m not sure it worked as well as I’d hoped.
For a couple of years, I made valentines for my friends. Usually I’d write, “Dear _______, I have loved you with an everlasting love” and sign it from God as though he were writing the words of Jeremiah 31:3 just to them. Looking back, it feels a little cheesy, but I think making the valentines helped me focus outside of myself and my story for a little while. Valentine’s Day became slightly more bearable.
And even though they were cheesy, those valentines were also born out of a pivotal moment for me. Somewhere in my mid-twenties, I started to understand God’s love for me in a new way: I realized he chose to love me. Prior to this shift, I’d always thought God loved me because he was supposed to love me. He’s God; he loves people; it’s what he does. I imagined him with this overwhelming sense of obligation to love the humans he created.
But my imaginings were wrong. There’s no obligation. God delights in loving me! And he delights in loving me because he delights in me. Knowing this shifted my perspective on my relationship with God. He no longer seemed distant; now I could sense his presence and his desire to spend time with me.
Do you know the truth of God’s delight in loving you? If we were chatting over coffee, I’d pause and wait for your answer. Feel free to take a few minutes here to stop and think about it. Maybe it’s time for you to experience that change in perspective.
I wish I could say knowing God delights in loving me has made Valentine’s Day easy for me. As much as the new perspective has helped, I still find being single on this day difficult. Maybe not as difficult as in previous years—I rarely find myself wanting to watch Gladiator as an escape from the romantic stuff—but still not my favorite time. And I’m learning it’s okay to acknowledge how I feel, to tell God I’m not excited about another Valentine’s Day by myself, and to hope it might be the last in my season of singleness.
My prayer for you is this: give yourself permission to feel whatever you’re feeling today. Maybe you absolutely love Valentine’s Day and can’t understand why I don’t. Maybe you’re in a place where watching Gladiator seems like a fantastic idea. Maybe you’re somewhere in the middle with me. Whatever you’re feeling, acknowledge it.
But also remember the truth of God’s love for you. Spend time with him today by doing something that gives you life. As you delight in whatever that thing might be, remember that he delights in you even more.
is a daughter, sister, friend, writer, and singer. She loves Jesus, music, books, and great TV shows. Because she’s far from perfect, she is grateful for God’s grace in her life. She writes with the hope that others might be encouraged to let God make them new as well. You can read more of her work at
Photograph © Brigitte Tohm, used with permission
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