“There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.” ~Unknown
My mom’s words instantly dissolved the road rage that had been growing in me the moment before. In its place, tenderness and then laughter bubbled up.
“Maybe they are late for their daughter’s piano recital. Maybe they are so caught up in an exciting book they’re listening to on cassette tape they don’t even realize what they just did. Maybe they are on their way to the hospital to have a baby–how exciting! Maybe they are a circus performer late for their high wire practice; we certainly don’t want them to miss that!” she said.
I didn’t want any of those poor people to miss the things my mom described. Suddenly I was for them rather than feeling put out by them. The inconsiderate driving I had witnessed moments before lost its sting when my mom talked like this.
Her words gave me freedom: freedom to care about the concerns of others more than my own, freedom to give them the benefit of the doubt, freedom from angry eyebrows and a desire to get revenge. They freed me to be the person I wanted to be.
If she was wrong, and those people actually were being selfish, it was still a win for me. Giving them the benefit of the doubt had cost me nothing and would still give me freedom if I could put a sunny spin on their motives. The thoughts my mom planted in my head altered my emotions, which made loving actions seem easier than being angry.
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Rom. 12:18, ESV).
Ruthlessly choosing to ascribe good motives to others enables us to avoid taking their annoying actions personally. When it’s not personal, suddenly it doesn’t feel so bad, and we’ve found a deeper ability to live at peace with it. When we practice the art of taking nothing personally, we are free–and we smile more often!
My daughter paid me a compliment the other day that brought this idea full circle. Someone cut in front of us too quickly, and the comment she heard roll easily off my tongue was a silly list of reasons they must need to go first. My daughter exclaimed, “You are the nicest driver ever! Why don’t you ever get mad at people when they do things like that?” So I told her about my mom and the way our car rides were always full of “Believe the Best Challenges.” I promised her plenty of practice sessions in my car so one day, she can have the same freedom!
Lord, you want freedom for us even more than we do for ourselves! Help us to believe that so we can trust you. When we trust you with our thoughts, our feelings follow, which gives an ease to obedient actions. Let us be intentional about practicing gracious thinking so we can experience the freedom you intended! Amen.
Scripture for Reflection
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Rom. 12:18, ESV)
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Phil. 2:3, ESV)
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Gal. 5:22-23, ESV)
“We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul – not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy!” (I Cor. 1:11-12, MSG)
Reach for More
Take my mom’s “Believe the Best Challenge” today. Every time you feel your eyebrows knit together in annoyance, pause and come up with three reasons the offender might not have meant to bother you. Realistic or whimsical, dramatic or outlandish–it really doesn’t matter. You just need to find a reason that makes it feel easy to not take it personally, and then you are free! With enough repetition, this muscle becomes strong, and you will have found the freedom to be a person defined by uncommon grace.
Please come back and share your list with us here in the comments section or use the hashtag #tgtreachformore to list them on social media. Wouldn’t it be fun to practice this together?
Lori Florida’s life is all about her people. She’s convinced that being Mrs. to one and Mommy to eight will be her most significant way to serve Jesus. She wants to use her life to cheer on and coach the women coming behind her. Lori blogs at loriflorida.com.
Photograph © Kevin Lee, used with permission
Katy Epling says
WOW, this hit home! Thank you for this with such grace and lightness, providing a new perspective without making readers like me feel the weight of judgment. 🙂 I can’t wait to put this into practice–and knowing my propensity to take things personally, it won’t be long. 🙂
Rebecca says
As always this is great advice!
Kelly Johnson says
I love the whimsy and kindness of the challenge! How much better to choose joy!