What’s on Your Love List?

I’m one of those people who skews toward seeing the glass half empty, not half full. I prefer order, not chaos; neatness, not clutter; most everything lined up and buttoned up. I’m not so far gone that I can’t (mostly) control any tendency to try to persuade other people to honor my preferences, but I’m certainly aware of my dislikes.

And yes, perfectionism comes into play as well.

The List Lurking Beneath

One of my most beloved fiction reading experiences is the Mitford series by Jan Karon. Episcopalian priest Father Tim has long-timed served a parish in a small North Carolina town full of both lovable and aggravating characters. In his sixties and still single, he meets Cynthia, his new and fascinating next-door neighbor who writes and illustrates children’s books. The two fall in love, then marry.

A regular exchange between them intrigues me. Cynthia, a generally optimistic soul even though she’s suffered hurt in the past and can panic about publishing deadlines, often casually yet enthusiastically announces she loves this or she loves that.

Early in the series, she says to Tim, “I just love pears.” Realizing how often she says she loves something she’s talking about, he responds, “What don’t you love?” She immediately tells him people who are never on time, garden slugs, and artificial flowers. Another time he asks her this question, and she quickly answers, “Grits without butter. Dust balls on ceiling fans. Grumpy husbands.”

Finally, after yet another one of these reoccurring discussions, Tim says to her, “When I ask you this question, you always have the answer on the tip of your tongue. How do you do that?” She answers, “I don’t know, I suppose it’s just in there, waiting to get out.”

Throughout the series, Tim periodically asks her this question, and she always has a ready answer. That’s both amusing and revealing.

Cynthia is a lovely character who is kind, welcoming, giving, and most of the time, cheerful. I don’t recall her ever being what we’d call a “complainer.” But like most of us, she has a list of dislikes just beneath the surface. She’s given thought to its contents and tucked it away. It’s in there, lurking, just waiting to get out.

We Can Choose Our Lists

If you asked me what I don’t like, I could—as I assume you could—readily access my list: an unmade bed; that one ornament in a neighbor’s yard; the taste of sauerkraut; more than a few politicians; dirty snow, dirty carpet, dirty windows; country music with a twang (sorry, fans); being “volunteered”; bugs; when people don’t do what I think they should…

Yet I can choose to make a more positive list, rising above that layer of negativity: I have a bed to sleep in; I don’t have to look at (or judge) my neighbor’s choice of yard decoration; a wide variety of food is available in this country I live in; some politicians’ actions are worthy of support; I love seeing fresh-fallen snow, and I know how to make carpets and windows clean; many kinds of music thrill me; I have the ability to say no; bug spray makes it possible to endure; I am not called to be the world’s “mom”…

The apostle Paul knew what we focus on is key to our spiritual health. In Philippians 4:8, he told his readers, “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (ESV).

Unfortunately, it’s easier for most of us to unearth that negative and too often petty and unimportant list of dislikes—and sometimes let it out—than to activate our ability to focus on and live in the positive all around us. Plenty of wrong in this world demands our serious attention and action, but unimportant dissatisfaction is useless and distracts us from what is important.

We Can Choose Our Path

Cynthia of the Mitford series isn’t a real person, and Karon doesn’t portray her as perfect, but I admire her. She reveals her list of dislikes only when asked, and only when asked by the one person on earth she trusts to care about the whole of her more than anyone else—Tim. The whole of her includes whatever lurks beneath the surface. (And by the way, Tim has his own list of dislikes.)

Then once they are expressed, Cynthia either addresses her dislikes (cleans the ceiling fans) or lets them go (grumpy husbands). She doesn’t deny they’re there, waiting to get out, but she also doesn’t let them rule her life. She chooses to live in the positive and takes steps to ensure no “‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble” in her relationships (Hebrews 12:15 ESV).

Even better, we see in the series that when she’s faced with not just dislikes, but truly difficult negatives, with wrongs and hurts and evil, she, along with Tim, takes them to God—the one Person in the universe who cares about the whole of her more than anyone else could.

We might all do well to be like Cynthia—imperfect, yes; with dislikes, yes; but with a focus on living in the positive, remembering that “This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24 ESV).

Jean Kavich Bloom is a champion coffee drinker and a freelance editor and writer for Christian publishers and ministries. She doesn’t garden, bake, or knit, but insists playing Scrabble is exactly the same thing. Jean and her husband, Cal, live in central Indiana. They have three children (plus two who married in) and five grandchildren. She blogs at bloominwordstoo.blogspot.com.

Photograph © Glenn Carstens-Peters, used with permission