Five Ways to Love Raising Teens

Her words were the opposite of what I was used to hearing. I had a baby in my arms and only one hand free to herd my other kids—eight, seven, and three-year-old twins—out the doors of the church sanctuary. Phyllis caught up to me with a smile.

“You are so lucky! My favorite part of being a mom was having two teenagers in my house, and you get to have all these!” she said.

There wasn’t any pity or the “Just wait until they are teenagers—you’re in for it” warning I had come to expect from observers of my little circus. Instead, her eyes glittered with excitement as she recounted fond memories of being a mom of teens. She left me with a conspiratorial squeeze and a hopeful spin on the future.

Now I know where that sparkle in Phyllis’s eye came from. I’ve learned to love having a houseful of teenagers and I’ve got some tricks to pass on to help you feel the same.

Harness the power of popcorn and Kool-Aid.

What’s the magic tip for being able to say yes to last-minute requests to bring friends over, without heart palpitations? Popcorn and Kool-Aid! In the time it takes for the kids to get from the school parking lot to our driveway, I can have a big bowl of fresh popcorn next to a jug of Kool-Aid waiting for them. And they won’t break the bank. This simple snack and a mom who says yes is enough to keep my kids’ friends coming back to hang out where I get be a part of the fun.

Get friendly with the driver’s seat.

Teenagers’ calendars grow quicker than their driving skills. They will join a team, get a job, and have a social life, expecting you to be their taxi and pick up friends along the way. Next comes a driver’s permit and the government’s expectation for you to spend fifty hours in the passenger seat while your novice practices. You have a choice to make: car time can become an annoyance or your new favorite hobby. Some of my best parenting moments have happened in the car, unexpected and unplanned. Hard conversations flow easier as we both stare through the windshield. And I’ve gotten the inside scoop on life through the rearview mirror as I ferry a van full of talkative friends. Halfway through high school a license will make these precious moments evaporate. Don’t waste them feeling annoyed.

Gather a team.

Use prayer and whatever momma mojo you have to find a team of godly adults to surround your kids. Teachers, youth leaders, and coaches amplify what you’re teaching your teens. Offer a good-hearted college student who takes an interest in your kid milkshake money so they can hang out on your dime. Make youth group a non-negotiable so your kids know their leaders. Know that athletic teams can be about so much more than sports when a coach cares about your kid’s character. Appreciate the boss who makes your kid toe the line and work hard.

Employ many hands to make light labor.

This is something to look forward to! Your physical load will lighten as your kids grow and gain competence. Not only do I not carry kids or car seats anymore, but I’ve traded all kinds of chores for privileges like offering a later bedtime to middle schoolers who do their own laundry. Your kids will start solving your tech problems and can mow the lawn. Savor this strength. They will take their strong arms with them as they head to college!

Make space in your schedule.

During these years you’ll trade shoe-tying for late-night talks. High school is uncharted territory, and adulthood an even scarier destination looming in the distance. What they need now takes just as much time as their toddler needs did. If we make space, these moments will feel precious and safe. My sister and I thought Mom did nothing all day because we found her sitting in the living room when we came home from school. Rather than inactivity, that moment represented her calculated decision to be available for conversation. Expect parenting during these years to take time. Your kids will still need you, just in different ways.

My friend Phyllis said one more thing that buoyed my expectations of life with teenagers. “They won’t be strangers, you know. They’re still going to be your kids, the ones you are crazy about today, just bigger!”

If your kids are still little, know this: great things are coming. Look forward to them! And if you’re already there with teenagers, do whatever it takes to soak it all in. These years will be gone in the blink of an eye.

Lori Florida’s life is all about her people. She’s convinced that being Mrs. to one and Mommy to eight will be her most significant way to serve Jesus. She wants to use her life to cheer on and coach the women coming behind her. Lori blogs at loriflorida.com.

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