What to Do When It's Time to Let Them Go

I’m sitting in my bedroom this evening—Kansas summers are surprisingly sticky, and I’m thankful for air conditioning and to have all of my babies tucked in for the night. There’s a peace in knowing we’re all here and accounted for. I can rest in knowing that all of my ducklings are in the nest.

I have sad news for you.

Ladies and gentlemen, as of this moment, there are only thirty-nine days left. Thirty-nine days until one of the ducklings leaves this cozy nest I’ve spent my entire adulthood building, and I find myself wondering if I will ever rest again.

My beautiful, intelligent, hilarious daughter is leaving for college in thirty-nine days. She’s a seasoned Army brat, so I have no doubt she’ll be totally fine. She makes friends easily, has no problem working in study groups, and she is just a nice person.

There’s another way I know she’ll be okay, but it extends far beyond her college years. She has a relationship with Jesus. She believes Jesus is her Savior.

Growing up in a family who attends church is one thing; now it’s time for her to make her own way. She’ll do a lot of growing this year. One way I hope she chooses to grow is in her faith. I hope she steps out into a relationship with Christ that is new and personal to her as an adult believer. I hope she rests in knowing her identity is in what Christ has done and who he says she is. I hope she learns to read the Bible for herself and doesn’t rely on others to tell her what it says. I hope she asks questions, and I hope she’s never afraid to stand up for what she believes when she needs to.

I hope these things a little for myself, too. I hope I listen to God when it’s time to be a mom to my adult child. I hope his Word brings me comfort when I miss her or when I have to watch her life unfold from afar. I hope I remember that making her own way, apart from us, is part of God’s plan for growing up. I hope God reminds me that she wasn’t really mine to begin with. She is his, and his plan for her is more beautiful and glorious than anything I could ever dream for her on my own.

What a gift to be part of someone’s becoming!

I often wonder how Hannah must have felt taking the newly weaned Samuel to the temple to be raised by Eli. She had promised him to God, but I know it was painful for her to say goodbye. Her heart must have ached at the loss of her child’s laughter in her home. She probably missed his hugs. But Hannah knew God had a plan for Samuel, so she let him go. She trusted God to guide her son. She allowed her faith to overcome her grief.

God has a plan for my child, just as he did for Samuel. And my daughter has well-thought-out plans of her own. It’s time for me to step aside and be a spectator in what God and my girl are going to do together. Maybe I’ll be included from time to time. Maybe I’ll be a cheerleader. Whatever my role, I’m grateful to get to be part of his beautiful design in her life.

Are you sending a kiddo to college/the military/their own apartment this year? How are you holding up? You might be reading this and identifying closely with me. You might also be thinking of the Leanne Morgan sketch about God making teenagers mean so we’re ready for them to leave. I’ve been there, too! No matter where we are in the process of saying goodbye to our children, it stings a little. It’s beautiful, but it hurts.

I’m linking arms with all of you mamas out there who are about to let go of your children. Whether they’re going across town, across the state, or across the world, it doesn’t matter. It’s a big goodbye.

God, please be with our children as they enter into a new phase of life. Give them wisdom and guide them to make decisions that are safe for themselves and others. Help them feel your presence when they’re lonely, and give them one good friend. Sometimes one good friend makes all the difference. Lord, you know the plans you have for our children. They are good. Help them to remember to call on you, to thank you, to remember you. To find places where their faith can grow and they can learn more about who you are. God, remember us, their parents. We’re on the sidelines now, and we’re not used to it. Give us an extra measure of trust in your plans for our kids. Give us wisdom on when to speak up and when to shut up because it will matter. Give us grace when we screw it all up. Lord, you are good. Thank you for getting us to this point! It felt so far away eighteen years go, and now, here we are, because of your grace and mercy. Praise you. Amen.

Becky Yurisich is a full-time Army wife and mom, and an occasional teacher of first graders. She is an unapologetic follower of Jesus and the University of North Carolina Tar Heels. Becky holds a bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education from UNC, and dreams of writing a book. She blogs at beckyyurisich.com.