What Does It Really Mean to Love Your Neighbors?

What Does It Really Mean to Love Your Neighbors?

My husband and I were married August 5, 2000. Since then, we have moved eleven times. We have had many neighbors. Our first neighbors may have influenced our initial bad attitude toward loving the people who live around us.

We lived in a questionable neighborhood at the time, in a townhouse with a shared wall. Our neighbor was, shall we say, a deep sleeper. And when I say deep, I mean comatose. He was the kind of guy who used his stereo as an alarm, and it came on full blast. I’m pretty sure the whole street heard it when it went off. I can’t tell you how many times we had to go bang on his door because he still wouldn’t wake up!

Jesus tells us we are to love our neighbors as ourselves (see Matt. 22:39). Many of us probably assess this command and think things like, “I love people. I do. I love lots of people, I serve people, and I try to think of others above myself.” Hopefully we realize we regularly fail at this.

But here’s my real question: What if loving our neighbors meant both the “everyone” kind of neighbor as well as our literal neighbors—the people who live across the street, on the other side of the wall, upstairs from us, or next door?

Some of us are blessed with great neighbors, and our relationships with them happen naturally. Not us. For the first twelve years of our marriage, we made no intentional effort toward any of our neighbors. We were friendly if our neighbors were friendly. We might even go so far as to bake cookies for new neighbors. But we didn’t go out of our way to love our neighbors. The children in one particular family liked to intentionally step on our Christmas lights and break them. Our love was lacking toward them in particular.

But our precious Father loves them. He loves them more than we can comprehend. He desires for them to come to know Him. Do we love our God enough to want that for them too? Even if they’re annoying? Or different? Or don’t believe what we believe?

As God has opened our eyes to this issue in our hearts, he has clearly and beautifully given us ideas and the heart to truly love our neighbors. Our last name is Wiebe (pronounced “Weeb”), and we started hosting barbecues we called We Be Grillin’ as a play on our name (many people pronounce it “We-bee”). We initially did this as our schedule allowed, and our kids passed out fliers to the entire street. We included friends and some folks at our church as well as neighbors. We asked each family to bring their own meat to put on the grill and a side or dessert to share. We provided plasticware, plates, and beverages. This allowed us to host with minimal cost. We moved the grill to the driveway, set out camping chairs, turned on some tunes, and enjoyed getting to know our neighbors.

What Does It Really Mean to Love Your Neighbors?

We moved in April for what we hope and pray was the last time until I forget what my name is and my children have to drag me out kicking and screaming. (Can we all agree moving stinks? And that moving with young children is enough to send you into paralyzing despair?) We hope these are the neighbors we’re going to have for the long haul, so we couldn’t wait to get to know them. Even our children  asked if they could go meet the neighbors before we had the U-Haul unloaded! We started our We Be Grillin’s as soon as we were unpacked enough to allow folks in the house.

Please permit me this quick side note: Your house does not have to be perfect to have a party and love on your neighbors. We do clean ours and try to make sure there aren’t boogers stuck on counters or underwear lying around. (No, that’s not normal at my house.) But my baseboards are not dusted, and the toilets may or may not have been recently cleaned. Our kids are four, seven, and nine, y’all. Sometimes I just can’t. But I’ve never received a single complaint.

Our neighbors love our We Be Grillin’s so much that we decided to throw them monthly. Our super fun next door neighbors even offered to host one this summer! We live in Denver, and as winter approached, we realized we didn’t want the connections with our neighbors to stop. We apparently like goofy names for things, so We Be Chillin’ was born. We make chili and have the party inside.

You can love on your neighbors many different ways. We Be Grillin’ (or Chillin’) is just what works for us. We also get together in smaller settings. But here’s what the Holy Spirit has revealed to us: The command in Matthew 22:39 isn’t love your neighbors so that you can witness to them and they’ll pray the prayer of salvation and know Jesus. It’s love your neighbor as yourself. That’s it. Love God. Love neighbors. [Tweet “We do not have an “agenda” for our neighbors to come to know Christ.”] Those who don’t know Christ can spot a Christian with an agenda a mile away and immediately put up walls.

We choose to love our neighbors the same whether they ever come to know Christ or not. Do we pray for them, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal Jesus to them, and hope they see Jesus in us, ask questions, and come to know him over time? Yes! But it’s not an agenda. It’s not a condition our love is dependent on. We will not get tired of loving them and move on to others.

God reveals Himself in the moments we share, and we’re able to pray and meet needs through our simple parties. I hope this is what Jesus meant, because I feel him in it.

Amy_Wiebe_sqAmy Wiebe is a Jesus follower, wife, mom of three, church planter, finance director, and lover of sarcasm and deep conversation with friends. She also loves camping, rafting, skiing, sewing, and having people over. Amy blogs with her husband at fringechurch.com.

10 Comments

  1. This blessed me tremendously. I’m eager to get to know you, Amy. So much wisdom that I’d love to glean from your sharp mind and generous heart. ❤️ Thank you so much for writing this! I am grateful to get to know you better through each post!

  2. I love that you are using personal examples of what being a good neighbor really looks like! I am learning the whole hospitality world and realizing waiting for perfection isn’t going to make me any more hospitable. Just do it!!

  3. I just googled the other day, “how to get to know your neighbors?” I was hoping there was some great idea. A block party just seemed too much and cheesy. Plus the HOA might balk. Today, I see your blog post and I LOVE it! I am not kidding when I tell you, I plan on doing this. I’m scared. I won’t lie. I’m afraid no one will show up. But I have wanted to do something like this for years. It’s so hard to get to know your neighbors and even harder when you haven’t just moved in. I hope to come back and update you on how it goes. The no agenda thing is brilliant. Thank you for sharing!!

  4. You are a perfect example of loving your neighbor. It doesn’t have to be hard or awkward. I love how you’re able to express the feeling of community in this article. I feel blessed to have been part of the start of We Be Grillin’ and overwhelmed by your love for others. Blessings to you and your sweet family!

  5. Thanks, everyone, for your comments!

    Karen – I’m so honored you’re going to try it! You can find my email on the Fringe website linked in my profile above. If I can support you in anyway (I have a flier template!), I’d be honored to do so. Your neighbors will probably love it. We had people who had lived here for years and met each other at our parties. So cool!

  6. Amy, this is so practical and encouraging! I love this and, like Lindsey, I cannot WAIT to get to know you better! Thank you for sharing and for issuing this challenge to actually live what we say we believe.

  7. Just got around to reading this. You are a gifted writer! I loved the party that we attended when we were there last. Such fun. Keep it up.

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