Examine the Desires of Your Heart

My youngest daughter sold her goats. The same goats she had worked so hard to save her money to buy, the same goats she had prepared for by working with farmer friends of ours who raised goats to find the best animals for her plans, and the same goats she had spent almost a whole year working with. She tamed them to walk on a lead; she milked them; she cared for their babies. She loved these goats.

There was only one problem. Her goats wouldn’t stay inside their fences. We’re not talking about furtive sneaking out and back in again. No. Blatant disregard for fences and my trees and garden. Lounging in front of my garage. That was the attitude of these precious goats.

The time came for a hard conversation.

As a general rule, I don’t tell my kids “no.” So I wasn’t going to start the conversation with “No more goats!” Instead, I laid out my parameters. I cannot have goats in my yard eating our fruit trees, shrubs, and gardens that feed our family. My daughter needed to figure out a way to meet that expectation. She tried and tried. Oh, how she tried! She came to me in tears, saying that nothing she did was working.

So we sat down and had a heart-to-heart about what she really, really wanted.

What she really wanted was to have milk, cheese, cream, butter, and ice cream. Goats were a great entry point for her in both price and level of care. But goats would not help her reach all of her goals. Goats have naturally homogenized milk; it does not separate into cream. Therefore, her goals of cream and butter could not happen with milk from goats.

We broke through when she realized that what she really wanted was a Jersey cow. It would be small enough for her to handle, would give her plenty of cream and milk, and birth a calf every year. And we definitely know how to keep cows inside a fence! Letting go of her beloved goats wasn’t as hard because she knew there was something better suited to her goals and desires.

Friends, the same is true for the dreams you and I hold so tightly. We want to follow God, and we want to be good stewards, and we want to accomplish goals, and we want to dream big dreams.

That list seems to be counterproductive; those desires seem to be at cross-purposes. Psalm 37:4 says, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires” (NLT). At first, it sounds like if I can be a good Christian, I can write the equivalent of a Christmas wish list for God, and he will give it to me. If we believe this, though, we will be sorely disappointed when our wish list doesn’t come true.

Such disappointment leads to one of two outcomes: we blame God, or we blame ourselves.

We blame God with such phrases as “God doesn’t love me,” “God doesn’t want me to be happy,” or “God doesn’t care.” We may become resentful and turn away from God, which causes us pain. Distance from God always does.

We blame ourselves with phrases like “I must not be praying or serving or reading my Bible enough,” “I need to focus more on God,” and “I’m never going to be good enough to get what I want.” Self-talk like this is damaging to our mental and emotional health.

I can hear you saying, “Well, then, Annie, what should we do?”

Notice the wording in the verse from Psalms: “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desire”(emphasis all mine). This is not a wish list or a to-do list; these are the desires of your heart. These are soul-deep desires. It may seem that this is simply a matter of semantics, so let me give you some examples.

On my wish list may be a new car. If I can’t have a new car, rather than feeling blame or shame, I will examine the heart’s desire behind that wish. In this example, my heart’s desire may be to be safe while on the road, to have a reliable vehicle, or to be able to include others when I travel. Asking God to answer those desires, rather than checking a box on a particular vehicle, opens up the opportunity for God to answer us in his way and in his time.

Peeling back the layers on your wish list is critical to understanding your heart’s desire. The most important questions to ask are “Why?” and What?” Why do you want it? Why is it important? What is behind the desire? What is the essential element?

When things in our lives don’t work out as we had hoped or carefully planned, it is helpful to analyze and change course as we need. The next verse in Psalm 37 says, “Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.”

Trust God to help you discover the true desires of your heart, and I promise, he will bring them into being. It may not look like you or I imagined, but it will be even better.

Annie Carlson is rooted like a turnip to the plains of North Dakota where she raises great food, large numbers of farm animals, and three free-range kids with her husband. You can find her with either a book or knitting needles in her hands as she dreams up her next adventure.