Letting Go of the Fear of Missing Out

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:11–13 ESV)

My seven-year-old daughter participates in only one extracurricular activity each school semester. Typically, she takes hip-hop dance classes in the fall and plays soccer in the spring. In second grade, she already knows her limits and how much she can manage in addition to going to school five days a week. She’s clear about what she needs to thrive.

Many adults, including me, could take lessons in simplifying our schedules from her. She leaves time for her priorities—reading books, creating art, playing Minecraft, building with LEGOs, running around in the sprinklers in the backyard, riding her bicycle with neighbors, snuggling with Mom, and maybe even doing some chores—when the mood strikes. She knows how easily she can feel overwhelmed when she has too many commitments back-to-back. She doesn’t let a “fear of missing out” mess with her self-imposed, strict personal boundaries.

My five-year-old, on the other hand, wants to do everything all at once. She wants to take hip-hop dance classes, ballet classes, art classes, and gymnastics classes at the same time while also going to school five days a week. In kindergarten, she’s unrealistic about her own time and energy limits.

She wants to do anything and everything her friends are doing. She doesn’t want to miss out on the fun they might be having without her. She has no concept of personal boundaries or leaving time for priorities. She can’t self-regulate yet. If I, as her parent, don’t say no to commitments for her, she ends up having epic meltdowns from emotional and physical exhaustion.

Truthfully, though, she’s a lot like me. My husband calls me “scattered” because I take on too many projects at the same time, afraid I might miss out on something good that someone else is doing. Inevitably, a commitment I’ve made will fall through the cracks because I’ve taken on more than I can manage. I end up ashamed of my failure because I neglected to set and maintain personal boundaries yet again.

Apparently I don’t self-regulate well either, and sometimes I have epic meltdowns from emotional and physical exhaustion too.

Growing up is hard. Learning when to say good-bye and what to let go of is hard. Being realistic about our own time and energy limits when we’re scared we’ll miss out can be difficult.

But it’s good and necessary, or as I’m learning to say in the eucharistic dialogue of the Orthodox Church, it is “meet and right.” Growing up and releasing what no longer serves us—things we do because of pride, jealousy, greed, or envy (in lay terms, “keeping up with the Joneses”)—to serve God more fully is God-ordained.

Finding contentment in what we’re actually called to do is a sign of spiritual maturity. Saying no to what distracts us from our primary purpose of worshiping God in word and action is a sign that we’re keeping God, rather than self, our focus. Letting go of our “fear of missing out” demonstrates that we know our limits and are willing to protect his priorities for our lives, regardless of what our friends are doing.

Father, please help us set healthy boundaries around our time and energy commitments. Help us discern and let go of anything you’re not actually calling us to do. Show us your will for our lives so that we may faithfully protect your priorities for us. Help us turn away from any distractions or competitions with our neighbors. Amen.

Scripture for Reflection

Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving. (Colossians 2:6–7 ESV)

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13–14 ESV)

Reach for More

What do you need to let go of or walk away from today so you can focus on God’s priorities? Ask him to show you what needs to change both in your focus and in your schedule.

Lauren Flake writes about her journey as a wife, mom to two little girls and Alzheimer’s daughter in her native Austin, Texas, at For the Love of Dixie. Her first book, Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go? was published in 2016. She thrives on green tea, Tex-Mex, and all things turquoise.

Photograph © Jude Beck, used with permission