We Can Love and Disagree

My history with the church is a bit complicated. I was raised Lutheran and attended church faithfully for most of my childhood. In high school, though, waitressing on Sunday mornings took precedence, and my church attendance transitioned to more of a Christmas and Easter model. After many years, I began searching again and initially found my way back to my childhood church. However, after a year or so, I discovered that I was still searching for something more and found a new church.

After attending my new church for a while, I came to a fuller understanding what it meant to have a relationship with Jesus, and I decided to be baptized. When I shared this with my parents, they disagreed with my decision. They’d had me baptized as an infant and believed I did not need to be baptized again. My decision hurt them, and it was hard for them to accept why I wanted to do it.

However, through it all, their love was still present. Even though my parents didn’t agree with or accept my choice to be baptized, they still loved me. My decision to do something that they didn’t agree with didn’t produce hatred.

Similarly, a few years ago, a dear friend of mine made a church switch, and in doing so, was led to want to have her young children baptized. She had previously been a part of a non-denominational church which believed in “believer’s baptism.” When she told me about this and asked if we would come to the service, we had an in-depth and caring conversation. She knew my past and knew what I believe. I did not agree with what she was choosing to do, so I decided not to attend the service. My not attending the baptismal ceremony and disagreeing with what she was doing by no means equated to me not loving her. I love her dearly, and to this day our friendship is a treasured one.

Recently, many Christians have been outspoken about affirming the LGBTQ lifestyle. While I disagree with their affirmation, I struggle even more with the propaganda that if you are a non-affirming Christian, it equates to not being a loving person.

I am a Christian, and I do not agree with the LGBTQ lifestyle (more accurately, I believe it to be a sin). However—and this is a big however—that does not mean I do not love people who identify as LGBTQ. Not agreeing does not equate to not loving.

Gay-affirming Christians say that Jesus would have hung out with LGBTQ people, and I wholeheartedly agree. Jesus absolutely would have engaged with them. Throughout the Bible, we can see Jesus seeking out sinners,  sharing meals with prostitutes and tax collectors. He demonstrated grace and love to them but at the same time, he did not affirm their lifestyles. Instead, he pointed to the freedom from sin that his grace would provide.

This whole not-loving, or even worse, hating, label that is assigned broadly to non-affirming believers is unjust.

Don’t get me wrong; I know some people proclaim to be Christ-followers yet are not loving. I understand this, and I am hurt by their behavior as well. The problem is when a blanket statement or belief is directed and associated with all believers. When I read something that implies all Christians hate the LGBTQ community, it feels like a personal attack. Because I am a Christian, and because I do not agree with a choice, that does not mean I hate someone or am not a loving person.

Friends, the enemy (Satan) would love to create as many barriers as possible within the Christian community. He is having a field day seeing families ripped apart and churches become divided. He is celebrating that he is causing division. I don’t want to let him win.

I am asking that we all cling to Romans 12 and

• renew our minds (v. 2)
• love sincerely and hate evil (v9. )
• be faithful in prayer (v. 12)
• live in harmony (v. 16)
• live at peace with everyone (v. 18)
• overcome evil with good (v. 21)

These are just a few highlights; the whole chapter is filled with Spirit-inspired wisdom on how we should live. When verse 16 speaks of living in harmony; it doesn’t mean we will agree on everything.

I am not attempting to debate the theology or the scriptural basis of my beliefs. My point is that we can love and disagree while living in peace. There are theological topics my husband and I don’t agree on, but we still live in harmony.

To my fellow Christ-followers who are not affirming of the LGBTQ lifestyle: I write this for you to let you know you are not alone. I want to encourage you to stand firm in your faith and your convictions. If you struggle with loving all of God’s people, I ask that you spend time with Jesus and in his Word. If you are like me and have been hurt by stereotyping, I ask that you take your hurt to the Lord and continue to promote the truth that love and disagreement can coexist.

To my gay-affirming Christian friends, I know this post is not easy to read. I don’t want to be naïve and stereotype all of you. I’m not saying that every gay-affirming Christian thinks those who do not affirm are not loving. Hear my heart; I am not saying that at all. I simply ask for you to hold space for those of us who believe differently. We can all love Jesus fiercely, and yet not agree on everything.

My prayer is that we will not lose sight of loving Jesus first and loving others as ourselves.

Heather Gerwing is a homeschooling mom of four. She is a Jersey girl at heart but now lives in Michigan with her husband Jeff and their kids. Heather enjoys reading, coffee-ing, worshipping and writing. She is passionate about her family and living the full life. You can find her at heathergerwing.com.

Photograph © Pearl, used with permission