Never Untested

Have you noticed that Jesus usually answered a question asked (or demanded) of him with a question? But not because he needed that answer. He asked questions to see what came up in the one asking the initial question. I have also noticed, at least in my life’s story, that God does the same thing.

I never was a fan of tests, but I understood their purpose in school. After my time in high school, college, and grad school, I thought I was done with tests. I certainly had had enough of them. And the fact that I no longer had to study felt like freedom.

However, I’ve learned that as believers in Christ, we will never be done with tests. God uses them over and over again, not because he needs to hear the answer, but because we do.

There was a time in my life when I thought I knew everything. Outside of schooling for a future career goal, I didn’t need to learn or grow. I definitely didn’t need advice or insight from anyone else. If I just worked hard enough and (almost) always did the right thing, life would go my way.

Then, in one moment, I was stripped of all notion of control. In one instance, everything that I believed was proven wrong. And while good things have come from that experience and being forced to rebuild my belief system brick by brick, I never wanted to return to the place where the demolition occurred.

To rebuild, I took every opportunity, soaked in every word from knowledgeable sources to get to know God, until I got to a place of surrender. At least, I thought that’s where I was.

That’s when I was given the opportunity to return to the place where it all began. And not just once, but twice in three days. Since it was over an hour from where I lived, I knew this wasn’t a coincidence.

When the first opportunity presented itself, I said absolutely not. There’s no need for me to go. Since that wasn’t the answer God was looking for, he kindly presented me with a second opportunity, knowing full well it was one I wouldn’t be able to refuse.

Even though I didn’t understand why it was necessary, after the second time, I felt it was probably a test of my faith, not on the same level as Abraham and Isaac on the mountain, but at the time, it felt almost as difficult. So I went, and unlike what I had worked up in my head, it wasn’t as difficult. But it was because of all the study time I had put in at church, with the Bible, and through fellowship. I was stronger and my foundation was firmer.

“The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the heart.” (Prov. 17:3)

I actually went back for both opportunities. One was to watch my husband coach one of the biggest games of his career to date. The other was to see if he would become the next head coach at the local college. The first was a success. The second was not. Part of me began to wonder if I had ruined my husband’s chances because I initially refused to take the test.

That was almost five years ago. With time, reflection, and growth, I now realize that there didn’t need to be a reason for the test beyond showing me where my heart and spiritual growth were. God knows people promise a lot, but they don’t always follow their words with actions. He obviously needed me to see that I wasn’t at the level of surrender I proclaimed to be.

But I can also see now that I didn’t fail and thereby postpone my husband’s chances at reaching his dreams. I was tested because something more difficult was about to follow. It turned out that I didn’t yet have the faith infrastructure necessary to receive everything we’d been praying for.

I needed my faith to be as strong as possible, and I needed to be able to move forward when I didn’t want to go where he was leading. I needed to be able to go with full trust and reliance on him, without hesitation or pushback. And if I hadn’t taken the practice test, I would have failed miserably when the real test came.

Sometimes he tests us so he can bring to the surface what is deep in our hearts so that we can work on ourselves and be ready for true blessings. The most important point for the test taker, however, is you need to want to learn, grow from, and correct the mistakes you made so they can do better on the next test.

Jess Gilardi was a mental health therapist in the school system before becoming the full-time chaos coordinator for her family (aka stay-at-home mom). She and her husband have three young kids. Jess started writing in hopes that by sharing her stories and lessons learned, she can help others learn “the easy way.”