When You Feel Like Rest Isn’t Possible

If your home is anything like mine, there’s plenty of hustle and bustle from one thing to the next–and noise–and piles. Some people call it chaos. Right now it’s just my reality.

Make sure the kids are dressed for school. Feed the dogs. Put the basket of library books up high (so a certain dog doesn’t take one for a midmorning snack). Scramble with one kid to find missing sneakers. Oh, wait–library-book-munching dog also likes to cuddle with our shoes. “It’s in Nate’s crate!” I exclaim, half relieved and half irritated. Shuffle everyone into the car, exhale loudly, and we’re off.

Occasionally all the noise and activity is tamped down by quiet contentment. Ansley rocking and quietly singing to her doll. Luke and Reed sorting LEGOs for their imaginative creations. Me taking advantage of the relative peace to write, and chuckling to myself, remembering that *this* is what I thought motherhood would be like 95 percent of the time, not 2 percent of the time.

Then the three-year-old abandons her doll to start flinging Uno cards across the living room with pure delight. I know when her brother discovers his beloved game strewn haphazardly all over the floor, he will not be happy. And we’ll be off. Back to the normal, standard fare of sibling squabbles, demands for snacks, more piles of stuff discarded, more mess, more wants, and more needs than I feel like I can ever meet.

And my heart goes uneasy. Anxious thoughts begin to grow tendrils inside me.

I remind myself that Jesus tells us not to worry, but worry finds easy footing in my soul as it feeds on my insecurities. All the what-if questions and am I enough and am I really loved and will this work out?

But then there’s this:

“This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence” (1 John 3:19 NIV). Heart rest. My soul instinctually knows this is what I need. But how? By simply making time to rest in his presence. In the shadow of his wing. He is my rock and my refuge.

“If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything” (v. 20). God knit these hearts of ours together. These hearts that are made in his image. They beat because of the life he breathed into us. The uniqueness which the world has never seen except in you–God made and loves that heart. He is for us, not against us. He has never asked us to take up the position of judge. In his presence our hearts find rest, because he knows the end from the beginning. He is enough, he is love, and in him all things work for good. He has the final say.

“Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God” (v. 21). You know this world slings false confidence from one corner of the internet to the other. All you need is this next, new shiny bauble and you’ll finally feel wanted, loved, needed, admired, adored. But the cheap thrill wears thin, leaving behind queasy stomachs and brittle hearts. Real confidence comes from being in his presence with our hearts turned towards him. In his presence, our hearts are resurrected. The generosity of his gift makes for filled spirits and satisfied hearts.

In his presence, our hearts find true rest.

Allison Byxbe is a writer, blogger, and occasional college professor. She lives with her husband, three kiddos, and dogs Nate and Jemma in South Carolina. When she’s not writing or teaching others to write, she enjoys hiking, making beeswax wraps, learning about natural health, taking road trips, and drinking the perfect latte. Allison loves to connect with others about family, special needs parenting, mental health, grief, and faith. Her writing has been featured on The Mighty and Her View from Home, and you can find more of it on her blog Writing Is Cheaper Than Therapy.