Light in the Darkness

Most of us, especially those of us not brought up with faith, experience a pivotal moment where the illusion of control is stripped from us. And it is in that moment that we need to decide if there is a good God that is actually in control or if it is all random chaos and good or bad luck decides your fate.

Growing up, I was focused on accomplishing. I couldn’t imagine a world where I couldn’t use hard work and/or my intelligence to fix a problem or to create success. I thought checking off the right boxes, in the right order, would lead to happiness. I met a boy, graduated undergrad and grad school, got a job helping people, and then married that boy. I was busy chasing worldly things, I didn’t even realize that they weren’t actually fulfilling me. But when that next box (having kids) was harder to check than I ever imagined, I experienced my pivotal moment.

It was a quote from a stranger going through something similar that provided a light in the darkness for me. When people experience setbacks and disappointments in life, they chose one of two things: fear or faith. We choose faith.

I didn’t realize that up until that point, I had been choosing fear. I had never really known faith, only a system of earning, of being rewarded for doing the right thing and getting punished for doing the wrong thing. I was terrified of doing the wrong thing because that’s when bad things happened.

That’s fear. And I’ve learned that’s not how faith works. Faith is trusting God’s will and guidance now and potentially understanding later.

When I was young, I ignored the helpful advice of others. Since I thought I knew it all, I didn’t feel that guidance from an outside source was necessary. It caused me years of unnecessary additional difficulties.

But God wasn’t willing to give up on me. He continually sent me directions, trying to get me to go his way. At first, he used sources like that random quote from a stranger to get me to move or pull on my ego strings to get me to change course.

That simple statement sent me on a journey to finding faith. I set out to grow and build a relationship with the One who was truly in control. I took every opportunity, soaking in every word from trustworthy, knowledgeable sources until I got to a place of surrender. After some time and effort, I began recognizing His voice and nudging.

Proverbs 3:6 says, “Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take” (NLT).

From that pivotal moment, I started handing over my decisions and desires to God. First, they were all little things, but after repeatedly doing things God’s way and seeing them work out, I decided to hand over bigger things.

A few years ago, my husband and I were forced to make a life-changing decision. We could stay in a town and a home we absolutely loved, or we could follow God’s calling and move away for my husband’s job.

Even though I so badly wanted to stay, I had seen God’s faithfulness too many times to believe that I could possibly know better than he did. Now, I’m not saying it was an easy transition. It was the hardest six months of my entire life. The peace of God that surpasses understanding was literally the only thing that kept me going. There was only minimal darkness; I could still see well enough to move forward.

Once faith became my foundation, I was able to stop fighting the parts of life that were out of my control or didn’t go my way and use that energy for the beautiful parts. I’ve been able to see how my life would have gone if I had ignored God’s will, and I do not doubt that a life led by faith is much better than one led by fear.

Everyone will eventually and inevitably experience a situation where they will, from that point forward, know their need for something firm to stand on. I realized that God was always pursuing me, whispering to me, trying to get me to notice him in any way he could. It’s the same for everybody, he created us for a relationship with him. It took having my worldly foundation crumbling beneath me, casting me into complete darkness, to find him. But from there on out, I was listening for him, and he illuminated the way.

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matt. 5:16 NLT)

I want my story to be that light in the darkness for those who have yet to build a firm foundation.

Jess Gilardi was a mental health therapist in the school system before becoming the full-time chaos coordinator for her family (aka stay-at-home mom). She and her husband have three young kids. Jess started writing in hopes that by sharing her stories and lessons learned, she can help others learn “the easy way.”