Our Lives Are Not Our Own
Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed–not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence–continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. (Phil. 2:13-14 NIV)
We all probably think of our lives as our own. We make our own choices. We do what we want. We say what we want. We tend to believe that most of what we do does not really affect those around us. Thinking about this from the perspective of being a Christian, actively desiring to live and love more like Jesus, I believe we are pulling the wool over our own eyes.
Everything We Do
Everything we do, every choice we make, everything we want impacts some area of our lives. If we have children, they are watching every decision we make, every action we take. They note how much we are on our phones, what TV shows we watch, how we talk about the world and the people around us. Every single thing we do affects them because they learn from all of it. They learn what kind of people we are and what holds weight in our lives. They learn how important different things are to us. Then, that knowledge informs the decisions they make and the way they behave.
I have to pause here to lament all the many times I have not been the example I would like to be. How many times have I cussed when things don’t go my way? How many times have I lost my temper when my kids are already upset and can’t calm themselves down, thereby adding to their storm rather than helping to create calm? How many times have I not taken the time to respond to circumstances in a calm and mindful way, which is an example I desperately want my kids to see? Countless more examples of my inadequacies exist.
Two Little Words
Jesus has provided me with two little words that make all the difference: “I’m sorry.” Then, the follow-up to those words, “Will you forgive me?”
While I am indelibly grateful for these words that smooth my rough edges and create better relationships, they are really only the follow-up to my first point. Our lives are not really our own. What we do affects others in our circles.
‘“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything” —but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.”’ (1 Cor. 10:23-24 NIV)
I almost think this verse should say something more like, “No one should seek their own pleasure.” Sometimes our own pleasure is actually a sin. Sometimes our pleasure, our gain, is someone else’s loss, and we need to evaluate each decision to see if that could be the case. Sometimes we have to say no to things that used to bring us pleasure, but for whatever reason, that pleasure turned into struggle, and it no longer benefits us or those in our circle.
This era of the internet and social media brings many challenges with it. If we are not careful, all our mistakes and shortcomings, all the ways we seek our own pleasure, could be available for all to see—even for our kids or grandkids to see years later. Don’t get me wrong here. I have a Facebook account, and I am not perfect in using it. But I want the choices I make and the ways I respond to these precious people in my life to show off the love of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit more than I want anything for myself. Maybe saying that out loud and identifying that truth is exactly the place to start.
Lord, make me mindful every day that you have given me a special gift in my kids and in the people you have strategically placed in my life. Help me to be the example they need of someone who loves and serves you, especially in all the ways they experience me on a daily basis. Let them see positive change in me that makes me more like Jesus. Amen.
Scripture for Reflection
“Humility is the fear of the Lord; its wages are riches and honor and life.” (Prov. 22:4 NIV)
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” (Col. 3:12 NIV)
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing, and perfect will.” (Rom. 12:2 NIV)
Reach for More
What are the “pain points” in your life and relationships? What habitual mistakes or reactions impact the important people in your life? Is there something that you continually have to apologize or ask forgiveness about? Give some thought to how you might tackle this issue. Here are a few suggestions that have worked for me in the past.
- Count to five before speaking any words .
- Walk away for two minutes before responding?.
- Give the other person in the interaction the go-ahead to call you out
enjoys a crazy, beautiful life with her military husband, four sons, and a daughter. A baby interrupts her homeschool days in the best ways, and she is always attempting to live with mindfulness of each moment. She hopes to look at the world and each person in it in light of our amazing Creator, and therefore, to see each moment presented as an opportunity to love and serve him more. Carla relishes time to ponder God’s Word and have quiet moments with him and her coffee. She loves doing life with other mamas and encouraging them to simply be who God has made them to be.
Photograph © Sixteen Miles Out, used with permission
