Surrender Your Holiday Expectations

There’s no place like home for the holidays, or so the song goes. We envision snow and mistletoe and presents under the tree. Instead, we sometimes get scheduling conflicts and family drama. Going home for the holidays can be complicated when you’re dealing with parents, siblings, in-laws, children, and all sorts of relatives who have holiday expectations.

On one occasion, I was the one with expectations. I envisioned the family sitting around the table, passing around the coffee and the pumpkin pie. But my family members had other places to go and people to see.

As I tried to explain my disappointment to the ones who let me down, I dug a hole that could have become the grave of our relationship.

That night, as I lay on the dusty carpet of my closet floor, the floodgates opened and my tears poured out.

Jesus, I cried, You said you understand our weakness. You were tempted in every way, but without sin. Were you ever tempted to argue with your family? Can you fix this mess?

Fortunately, the next morning, huge doses of discussion, apology, and hugs healed our wounded relationship.

But the incident made me wonder: Did Jesus ever experience family drama?

As a matter of fact, he did.

Tucked away in the gospels are a few passages about Jesus’s family. From his example, we can learn how to navigate family relationships and our own holiday expectations.

Jesus at the Passover Holiday

The boy Jesus was the ultimate example of a kid whose parents didn’t understand him.

Twelve-year-old Jesus and his parents traveled to Jerusalem for the Passover. When Mary and Joseph and their friends began the journey home to Nazareth, Jesus stayed behind. At the end of the day, when his frantic parents realized Jesus wasn’t in the group, they searched for him and eventually found him in the temple.

As a mother, I can relate to Mary’s reaction.

And his mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress.” And he said to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” And they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them. And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart. (Luke 2:48-51 ESV)

Jesus modeled submission to his earthly parents’ authority while he was still a child.

Jesus at the Wedding

As a young adult, Jesus lived in a culture where traditions and social expectations held great significance.

At a wedding in the town of Cana, Mary asked her son to come to the aid of the bridegroom, who was about to commit a major social faux pas by not providing enough wine for his guests. Jesus’s initial response sounded to me like, “It’s not my problem.” (I’m sure his words lose something in the translation.)

What he actually said was, “Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” (John 2:4 ESV)

But Mary was confident her Son would be willing to help. So she instructed the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” And the guests witnessed Jesus’s first miracle.

Jesus understood the importance of social customs. He cared enough to rescue the celebration.

Jesus on a Mission

Does your family give unwanted advice or make unreasonable demands? Do they sometimes think you’re crazy?

Jesus experienced all these things.

Jesus had four brothers and at least two sisters (Matt. 13:55), and his family didn’t always understand his ministry. As Jesus preached and healed, crowds of people swarmed around him, and he and his disciples couldn’t even get a chance to eat.

Mark 3:21 says, “And when his family heard it, they went out to seize him, for they were saying, ‘He is out of his mind.’”

When the people told Jesus his mother and brothers were asking for him, he replied,

“Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” (Matt. 12:50 ESV)

Jesus’s family relationships were important, but so were his relationships with others.

If your family members don’t share your faith, the holidays can be tense. Jesus had firsthand experience with unbelieving relatives. His brothers didn’t believe in him. (John 7:5)

They tried to tell him he should go into Jerusalem and do some miracles at the Feast of Tabernacles. But Jesus did things in his own time and in his own way.

Jesus didn’t always please his family members or follow their advice.

Jesus at His Death

Though his earthly family didn’t always understand him, Jesus didn’t neglect them. As he writhed in agony on the cross, he remembered his responsibility to his mother. He asked the disciple John to care for Mary. (John 19:27)

Mary remained devoted to Jesus, and Jesus’s brothers came around, too. After the Resurrection, Jesus’s brothers joined Mary and the disciples in the upper room to pray. (Acts 1:14) His brother James became a leader in the early church. He was called James the Just and “Old Camel Knees” because of his piety.

Jesus didn’t give up on unbelieving relatives.

If going home for the holidays causes stress, remember that Jesus understands. He modeled a healthy, balanced relationship with parents and siblings.

Jesus loved and respected his family. He fulfilled his responsibility to them, but he never allowed them to dictate his decisions or steer him away from his mission.

My children are adults now, and my heart is singing, “Please come home for Christmas. If not for Christmas, by New Year’s Day.”

But although traditions are wonderful, I’m learning to let go of holiday expectations and let the Lord direct our plans. That’s the best way to avoid family drama.

Margaret Kemp spends most days teaching a classroom full of lively five-and six-year-olds. She’s attracted to be fragrance of vanilla, the printed word, and all things blue and white. She delights in spending time with her husband and family, singing praises with her church choir peeps, and traveling. Her heart’s desire is to know God better and learn to trust him more. You can read more of her writing at MargaretKemp.com.