Modeling Gratitude
It’s one thing to tune your own heart toward gratefulness–I have good and bad days in this regard, and it’s a continuous area of focus for me. It is a whole other thing to spur others on to gratefulness in our day-to-day lives. I have been struck lately by how much negativity there is both in and around me. As we find ourselves going through the second winter of a pandemic while the world’s problems seem to continue to balloon, how can we encourage others toward gratefulness?
It Starts in Our Hearts
It’s hard to model gratitude to others if you are not actively practicing it in your own heart. Many a Glorious Table contributor has written on this topic already, and I would encourage you to pause and read some of these other posts before proceeding if this is an area in which you struggle.
Gratitude Is Heart Work by Allison Bixby: Allison addresses how our gratefulness does not always align with our circumstances, and how to seek God and reframe our hearts.
The Science of Practicing Gratitude by Anne Rulo: Anne does a beautiful job connecting the way God created our brains to work and the practice of gratitude.
Making Time for Gratitude by Amy Wiebe: I wrote this piece focused on some steps to integrate gratitude into our day to day.
We are not going for perfection, friends. I encourage you to give yourself grace in the moments when you fail. I fail regularly. That is the beautiful thing about Jesus. His mercies are new every morning. I view it more as building a habit or strengthening a muscle. I want to be generally moving in the right direction while understanding there will be days of failure along the way.
Assessing the Room
It seems like the rooms—whether they be our living rooms, our interactions at work or on social media—are trending negatively lately. It seems like opinions are becoming more passionate and often less open to dissenting views.
I’ll be the first to admit, I do enjoy a good vent. I struggle to process something frustrating without being able to talk it out. I believe we need close friends and confidantes who will listen to us, allow us to vent, and then point us back to the truth of the gospel.
When I find myself in a situation where things are getting negative, I try to take a moment to assess the room. Am I with close friends, acquaintances, or people I don’t know? I might be more direct with close friends and more reserved with acquaintances. I may just remove myself from a situation involving those I don’t know, or perhaps find a kind way to steer the conversation back to gratefulness if possible.
I think the key here is to take time to consider whether we can influence the situation positively or whether the better course is to step away. A prayer for guidance from the Holy Spirit will serve us well in these cases.
Verbalizing Gratitude
If we have assessed the situation as one in which we believe we can exert influence, then a word of encouragement or positivity is the next step. Often, we can simply steer the conversation by taking a more positive tone. Sometimes we may have to overtly ask that the conversation be redirected. It can be scary to step into those situations, but the Holy Spirit will be our guide.
Sadly, Christ-followers can be some of the most negative and judgmental of all. I am confident this grieves God’s heart, and I know it paints an inaccurate picture of who Jesus is to unbelievers. Imagine what it would be like if all those who follow Christ made intentional efforts to model gratitude and kindness in all of our social circles. What if we were kind to God’s image-bearers in the face of mistakes or sin? What a beautiful reflection of Jesus that would be.
I believe we have a responsibility as Christ-followers to call each other out if we see or hear unkindness from one another. Of course, these discussions should be one on one and personal, but I want to be corrected and have the chance to apologize in the moments when I’m not reflecting Christ. My closest girlfriends know I don’t want them to always agree with me. We need friends who will challenge us and call us toward gratitude.
A Word to Parents
For those of us who are parents or who influence children, modeling gratitude is increasingly important. Many of our children are growing up with most of their needs met. Owning a phone becomes an expectation rather than a privilege.
In the safety of my own home, with those who love me unconditionally, I often become the worst version of myself. I feel free to express frustration about mundane things as they go wrong. I try to be mindful that I have precious eyes on me and reframe my grumblings into words of gratitude. Perhaps I mention what I’m unhappy about, but then I frame that for the kids to remind them that I know our blessings far overshadow the issue that’s bothering me. Giving our children room to practice gratitude, whether around the dining room table or before bedtime or while driving them to the next sporting event, is a life lesson that will serve them well.
As we turn our hearts toward Thanksgiving this week, may we all work not only on gratefulness in our own hearts but also consider how we can call others into attitudes of gratitude and kindness in our homes and communities.
is a Jesus follower, wife, mom of three, finance director, and lover of sarcasm and deep conversations with friends. She also loves camping, rafting, skiing, sewing, and hosting others in her home.
Photograph © Priscilla du Preez, used with permission
