An Invitation to Become Brave

The greatest gift I’ve ever given myself was the bravery to press into pain and the freedom to heal from it. And it’s exactly what I want for you. It’s why I wrote Brave Enough to Be Broken. It almost feels like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? Like brave and broken shouldn’t be in the same sentence. Maybe you’re in a season when you feel absolutely broken. You’ve tried to mend that relationship, not let the anxiety cripple you, stay away from the abuse and toxicity, and maybe you’ve really searched for a better way to be happy. Maybe you’ve begun to realize that your negative responses aren’t just happening because you didn’t like a certain situation, but because one moment in it triggered a past moment in your childhood that damaged you deeply. Maybe because for the first time you are ready to face the pain that has caused so much brokenness in your life, and heal from it.

I am sorry that you’ve endured so much pain. In this world, we will experience heartbreak. It’s inevitable. That means most of us are walking around wounded, feeling the pain of being deeply broken human beings. I am a deeply broken human being. Your pastor is a deeply broken human being. Your favorite person in the world is a deeply broken human being. Your hero is a deeply broken human being. Your husband, child, boss, founder, CEO, friend, and confidant are all deeply broken human beings. But each of us is still so worthy of love and belonging.

I’ve seen that pain can quickly turn into doubt. Doubting the goodness of humanity. Doubting that we deserve a gentle love.

Doubting that God’s goodness is meant for us. Doubting that there’s relief on the other side. And when doubt turns to disdain for the pain we suffer, we’re tempted to numb our pain.

We don’t want to feel pain fully. So we stay in toxic relationships by sweeping our emotions under the rug, or we self-sabotage so no one can get close and hurt us again. Or we use substances to numb ourselves—wine, drugs, essential oils, shopping, exercise, and more. Now, I’m not saying that all those things are bad; I’m simply emphasizing that we can use these things as crutches to numb the very emotions we need to feel in order to heal the very broken places we’re hiding from the world—and ourselves.

I confess that I’ve numbed myself with all those things because I had unmet needs, anxiety, and deep pain.

As the queen Brené Brown says, “We cannot selectively numb emotion. If we numb the dark, we numb the light. If we take the edge off pain and discomfort, we are, by default, taking the edge off joy, love, belonging, and the other emotions that give meaning to our lives.” If we truly are to experience the greatest joy, we have to allow ourselves to fully experience our pain. We have to acknowledge the painful truths of our stories.

So I want to ask you, sister, what was it you needed? What hurt you? What kept you up at night? What gave you anxiety? What were you afraid of? Who hurt you? What pain cut so deeply that you didn’t think you could be redeemed from it?

We all needed something that we didn’t receive from the people who should have given it to us. Psychiatrist Curt Thompson says it best: “We are all born into this world looking for someone looking for us.” Someone and some places that would offer us security, comfort, safety—help to heal.

The world has made most of us believe that we’re strong enough all by ourselves to overcome every hurdle we face. But, friend, that’s simply not true. In fact, it’s the very reason why I created an organization called Broken Crayons Still Color. I wanted to build something that not only provided community and closeness so women wouldn’t feel so alone in their pain but also equipped those women with resources and strategies to overcome brokenness and find real healing and hope. When women find Broken Crayons, they are met in their darkest valleys of despair, but they’re not left there. We now help women process brokenness and get to hope through an online community, courses, resources, and events both live and virtual. We serve all women who are feeling broken and disqualified and are looking for hope. Our team believes that the world has lied to us: it has planted a narrative deep in our feminine hearts that perfection is the gatekeeper to action, success, and influence. In God’s kingdom that’s just not true.

What if you were told that love and healing are available to you, despite your mistakes and despite your darkness? Galatians 6:2 says that we should “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” God commands us to be there, hand-in-hand, side-by-side, pressing into the pain for and with each other. Wherever you find yourself on this journey toward love, hope, and healing, I want to join you.

Part of this process is identifying the lie that has kept us stuck for so long. And if there was a scheme of the Enemy that could take us all out, it would be the lie that we have to be perfect when, in fact, the opposite is true: success is contingent not upon perfection but upon our surrender.

Welcome to the journey of bravely rewriting your narrative. I am confident that God can take all our messes—mine and yours—and still use them. I’ve seen it in the thousands of women in our organization, and I can’t wait to see it in you.

Welcome to a journey of choosing to be brave enough to be broken.

Toni Collier is a Hope Coach, author of Brave Enough to Be Broken and the founder of Broken Crayons Still Color, an international women’s ministry that helps women process their brokenness and reclaim hope. She is a popular speaker and consultant who helps organizations with creative marketing, leadership, student ministry, and strategic planning. It’s her passion to show women that they can be both broken and beautiful as they work out their healing at the feet of Jesus. Toni also teaches regularly at Story Church Atlanta, founded by her husband, Sam Collier. Toni and Sam live in Atlanta with their daughter, Dylan, and new baby boy, Sam Jr. You can connect with her at her website or on Facebook and Instagram.