Can Love and Hate Coexist?
“God hates me. I know he does,” my friend cried in desperation.
Malachi 1:3 and Romans 9:13 say, “God hated Esau.”
“If God can hate Esau then he can hate me too,” my friend reasoned.
But Scripture also says God is love, and perfect love casts out fear.
She had me wondering, “Can love and hate coexist? Did God really hate Esau?”
The story of Jacob and Esau is long and complicated with things like birthrights and blessings, favoritism and fallouts, deception and deceit.
Esau was Jacob’s favorite son and the eldest by just minutes. His twin, Jacob, was their mother’s favorite. One day, Esau was out hunting and became very hungry. When he got home, he smelled the stew Jacob had prepared, and he was so hungry, he agreed to exchange his birthright as the eldest son in exchange for a bowl of it.
The birthright, according to Jewish custom, belonged to the firstborn and included being given the responsibility of priestly duties as well as the gift of a double portion of the family inheritance. Esau, was shortsighted and only thinking about his immediate need and desire, for food so he agreed to Jacob’s offer. Interestingly, God had seen this coming and told their mother the older would serve the younger.
Maybe God hated seeing Esau give up something so valuable. Maybe God hated the regret, shame, pain, and family division it would cause.
Esau bore a grudge against his brother and planned to kill him after their father died. Jacob, fearing for his life, ran away and spent the next two decades working for his uncle, his mother’s brother.
Over those twenty years, both men would mature, learn, grow, and change. Jacob and God had some brief encounters that were recorded in Scripture. I assume Esau also had some encounters with God (not everything is recorded in Scripture.) I imagine both boys learned some lessons about hate, revenge, forgiveness, and reconciliation.
When the time was right, God told Jacob it was time to go home.
Jacob was “greatly afraid and distressed” (Gen. 32:7) about what the encounter with Esau would be like. Who could blame him? But despite his fears, he pressed on in faith.
Imagine his shock when, Esau “ran to him and embraced him, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. And they both wept” (Gen. 33:4). It was a reunion beyond their wildest imaginations. Love, joy, mercy, kindness, forgiveness, reconciliation—all experienced in that moment. How God longs for each of his children to experience this!
Forgiveness and reconciliation are lessons God repeatedly teaches in Scripture. Remember the story of another young man (often referred to as the prodigal son) who left home and, after a long while, returned to a shockingly similar greeting? Just replace the word “father/son” with “brother” and you’ll see what I mean! Luke 15:20 says, “So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still in the distance, his father saw him and was filled with compassion. He ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.”
I believe Esau had become a reflection of God. That’s how Jacob viewed it, telling his brother, “For to see your face is like seeing the face of God, now that you have received me favorably.” (Gen. 33:10 NIV). In God and in Esau, Jacob found what all of us long for—acceptance.
Each of us will experience moments of betrayal, wrongdoing, and heartache. It may take some time before healing and reconciliation can occur. It took twenty years for Jacob and Esau. In the meantime, don’t focus on your pain, which will only create bitterness. Focus on God, listen to God, walk with God. Love and hate may coexist for a time, but for those who seek God, love wins out in the end.
is a recovering religious addict who began writing as a form of therapy. Her work has been published in several online magazines including: She Loves, Perennial Gen, The Glorious Table, The Grit and Grace Project, and more. Her business, Breathing Room Interiors, has given her the opportunity to pursue her passion for creating beautiful and functional homes. She is a military spouse, proud mama, and dog lover.
Photograph © José León, used with permission
