When Your Friend Becomes Your Enemy

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” (Prov. 27:6 NASB)

If you’ve lived long enough, you’ve more than likely been betrayed by someone close to you.

Nothing hurts more than a hurt that you never see coming.

Many people refer to this kind of betrayal as being “stabbed in the back.” There’s good reason for that.

In the Old Testament, friends protected one another’s flanks in the heat of battle, but occasionally, someone close, perhaps motivated by power, greed, or offense, has been known to thrust a sword into the back of a friend they swore to protect.

Believers expect the unbelieving world to be against them and against what we believe, so we tend to keep our eyes on the enemy in front of us. We do not expect such a blow to come from a fellow follower of Christ, but that kind of wound will always be inflicted from behind and by someone we trusted to defend us. Only a friend can betray a friend. Psalm 41:9 says, “Even my close friend in whom I trust, who ate my bread, has lifted up his heel against me” (NASB).

No one expects a trusted business partner to embezzle from a shared account. We do not see it coming when a spouse commits adultery with someone we know. We do not expect friends to steal money or possessions from the home into which we graciously invite them. Nor do we expect our friends in church to cancel longstanding relationships based on a church division. But it happens.

Years ago, I gently confronted a dear friend who was having an extramarital affair. She was unhappy and unsatisfied in her marriage, and she decided to pursue her pastor. He had been emotionally blindsided by his wife, who left him and their six children for someone else, and he wasn’t looking for a relationship. He was hurting and overwhelmed by what had happened to his family and his ministry.

My friend swooped in and offered to help. That relationship, however, soon became an emotional attachment, and she began spending more and more time with him. I warned her to distance herself from him, to consider her husband and her two children, but she refused to hear the truth about her sinful situation. Instead, she chose to believe that marrying her husband had been a terrible mistake, and that her true soul mate was the other man. After our conversation, she cut off all contact with me.

 

She and I had enjoyed the kind of fun day-to-day interaction of truly close friends, so for her to suddenly break all contact with me overnight was excruciating. I cried and cried, greatly mourning the loss of our friendship.

I’m certain that ending our friendship was difficult for her as well, but she had drawn a line in the sand. I had to agree with her decision to divorce her husband and marry another man, or else. Instead, I told her the gospel truth. For her, that meant our friendship was over.

What can we do to protect ourselves from that kind of hurt?

Nothing.

That’s right—if you choose to love as God commands, your heart will always be vulnerable to others. And hurts are going to happen. But the alternative—a cold heart—is worse. In order to love and be loved, we must surrender our defenses and be susceptible to pain. Someone down the line is going to hurt or disappoint you, and at some point, you might even be that someone.

Jesus knew full well that Judas was going to betray him to death, but he washed Judas’s feet anyway. (See John 13:2-5.) Furthermore, Jesus humbled himself to do so in front of all his disciples, an example none of them would soon forget.

Believers are a peculiar people. We forgive those who hurt us. We return love for hatred and right for wrong. Jesus says we are to “love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you” (Matt. 5:44 NKJV).

Praying for an enemy transforms them from objectified adversary to fellow human being. Prayers help us to engage our affections and bring life to the words we, in the natural, force our mouths to speak: “I forgive.”

Years later, my old friend surprised me with a visit. She’d divorced her husband and married the man of her dreams. But that relationship, and the blended family that came along with it, were more akin to a nightmare. She asked my forgiveness and admitted that I’d been right to tell her the truth. Sadly, though we resolved the rift that had torn us apart, neither of us chose to renew our former friendship.

Sometimes, the outcome is different. A repentant friend returns, and the relationship is gloriously redeemed.

Either way, forgiveness creates a bridge instead of a wall.

Linda Kozar is an award-winning multi-published author of traditional and indie-published fiction and nonfiction books. In 2022, Sweet Tea For The Soul (DaySpring) received an ECPA Bronze Sales Award for 100,000+ sold, and in 2021, Sunshine For The Soul took home a First Place Selah and Nonfiction Book of the Year at the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference. Linda was named American Christian Fiction Writers’ Mentor of the Year in 2007. She and her husband Michael, married for 32 years, live in The Woodlands, Texas and enjoy spending time with their two grown daughters, their wonderful son-in-law, granddaughter Eden, and Gypsy, their rascally Jack Russell Terrier. Connect with her at LindaKozar.com.

Photograph © Jacob Townsend, used with permission