The Path of Faith

When I first came to faith, the thing I struggled with most was what to do next. Everyone told me that the best way to get to know God was to read the Bible. Since I didn’t grow up in the faith, this seemed like an impossible task. I could make it through most of the New Testament. It was engaging, and I enjoyed the stories and the lessons of Jesus. But the Old Testament felt outdated and, quite frankly, pointless. Time after time, I’d start with good intentions but get stuck in the genealogies. After a few attempts, I would just skip over them, convincing myself that they weren’t an important part of the text. Then I’d cruise along until I got to the moral, social, and food laws established for the Jewish people of those times. That’s when I’d always quit. The sacrifices and offerings didn’t seem relevant, no matter how much I wanted to just get through them. That stuff had nothing to do with my life and couldn’t possibly help bring me closer to God. I must have tried a few times a year for many, many years.

But no matter whom or what I looked to for a deeper connection with God, everything pointed to reading the Bible. It seemed like this was all or nothing. For the longest time, I saw not being able to sit down every day to read the Bible as my biggest failure. But eventually, I realized that we don’t get to the top immediately in any area of our lives. We start at the bottom and work our way up. Why did I have unrealistic expectations for my faith? The only way to climb that allowed for sustainable growth was through baby steps.

I started to think, What if it was what other Christians needed to do, but it wasn’t what I needed.? In my desperation to know him, I decided to try other things. I found books on faith about specific topics that felt relevant and helpful to my current situation, whatever that might be at the time. I went back through years of sermons that helped me grow and to understand God, religion, and faith.

When I had worked my way through all that information, I realized the most important part of it all was the personal journey I was on with God. No two relationships with God are the same, and neither are the paths it takes to get there. Once I realized that, I had the trust and understanding that no matter what it is, if it’s in the Bible, God felt it important. Still, reading wasn’t my way. It just wasn’t feasible to find a consistent time every day where I could have quiet while raising three young kids.

Instead of giving up, I found a different way. For three years, I made my way through a daily audio Bible podcast where the Word of God is read to me in pieces of the Old and New Testaments, as well as some of Psalms and Proverbs. Most recently, I’ve started to read through the Bible on my own and even journal every day about the parts that stick out to me.

I had to take a similar path with prayer. I didn’t understand how to talk to God, who is my Father and my friend. I started with prayers to saints who might be able to help with a specific issue. Then, I was able to move on to the “Our Father” prayer. I honestly didn’t know how I could do better than the words Jesus himself gave us. But with time and practice, I have been able to say free-flowing prayers from the heart. I even lead and close my small group with prayers out loud (something that used to terrify me). I realized that it’s not about perfection, but about ongoing communication.

I now know that I was always going to fail if I continued to try to walk someone else’s path. Diving right in after growing up with no faith background was not my journey. I needed to take small steps so I could process the magnitude and glory that is God.

As I look back on my journey, I realize failure was in the eyes of the beholder. I did fail at the path others prescribed for me. But because I never gave up trying to find my own path, I didn’t fail in it.

Jess Gilardi was a mental health therapist in the school system before becoming the full-time chaos coordinator for her family (aka stay-at-home mom). She and her husband have three young kids. Jess started writing in hopes that by sharing her stories and lessons learned, she can help others learn “the easy way.”