The Cure for Discontentment

I’ll never forget the day I missed my oldest daughter rolling over for the first time.

My precious baby was in good hands, of course. My mother-in-law was watching her downstairs in our living room while I worked upstairs, futilely trying to run a nonprofit from my home office right after giving birth to my first child.

I wish I could tell you that when I missed that early milestone, I immediately realized that working from home with a newborn wasn’t worth it to me. I wish I could tell you I realized both quality and quantity time with my tiny daughter was what I really wanted and valued most in that moment. I wish I could tell you that in that difficult stage of diapers and spit-up, I realized it was enough for me to just be her mom, but I didn’t.

My pride and jealousy of other people with thriving careers competed with my sense of contentment and gratitude, and I continued to strive for something better than what I already had. I eventually quit my position as an executive director, only to end up trying to prove once again that I could do it all. I was soon simultaneously raising a family, caregiving, blogging, and accidentally attempting to run my own T-shirt business.

Six years later, I’m still learning that every yes I say to someone or something is a no to someone or something else. Running that business took time away from my kids, from my husband, and even from my true passion, which is writing books.

The added responsibility of watching over my mother and her parents over the last twelve years as all three slowly lost their independence to dementia severely curtailed my career and social aspirations.

Job offers began to vanish when I was too busy running back and forth to the hospital or care facility and juggling childcare to meet important deadlines. Friends stopped inviting me to parties and get-togethers when grief, anxiety, and exhaustion became my norm, not cheerful attendance.

Each time the stress of balancing caregiving and motherhood threatens to steal my joy, I meditate on this verse: “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ” (Colossians 3:23–24 ESV).

God placed me in this challenging role at this seemingly inconvenient life stage for a reason.

In the last couple of years, I’ve found other young moms with similar isolating struggles and stories of loss, and they’ve become my closest friends. We each thought we were alone in our pain and in being left out of the mainstream scene, but then we found something better. God used our situations and circumstances to pull us together and forge impenetrable bonds between us.

Instead of trying to go wider with our friendships, we’ve learned to go deeper.

We make time for each other when no one else does, because we know what it feels like to be the outsider. We show up for each other when life seems too hard, because we know what it means to feel like giving up.

We may be wise beyond our years by necessity, but that doesn’t mean we don’t need to cut loose and have fun with our friends like everyone else. It just requires a little extra effort and planning for us. God knows this reality, and I believe that’s why he gave us each other.

When we stop striving for something better, we often find that what God intended for us is right in front of us. Motherhood, marriage, writing, caregiving, and real friendships are what he has granted me in this season.

Bestselling author and encourager Bob Goff says, “What if we found out that God’s big plan for our lives is that we wouldn’t spend so much of our time trying to figure out a big plan for our lives? Perhaps he just wants us to love him and love each other.”

What if loving God and others well is truly all we need to accomplish in this lifetime? What if we, as a culture, are ignoring the blessings in front of us as we constantly search for meaning and focus on achievement?

What if the cure for discontentment and fear of missing out is simply being present in our relationships with Jesus and the people around us?

Lauren Flake writes about her journey as a wife, mom to two little girls and Alzheimer’s daughter in her native Austin, Texas, at For the Love of Dixie. Her first book, Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go? was published in 2016. She thrives on green tea, Tex-Mex, and all things turquoise.

Photograph © Karl Magnuson, used with permission