When You Feel Taken for Granted
Recently, I’ve been working a second job as a private chauffeur. Driving a minivan all over town, I transport my teenage kids to and from work, friends’ houses, and various other places and events. It’s really not that great of a gig—I’m always on call, and I’ve never brought home a paycheck. Not to mention those lovely text messages prompting me, “Are you almost here?”
Not too long ago, my daughter asked me to chauffeur her to a friend’s house that was an hour away (yes, an hour—as in sixty minutes). After uttering the words “Absolutely not,” I began to explain that, as much as I loved her, I had better ways to spend four hours of my life.
“Four hours? But it’s only one hour away!” she objected.
“Yes, four hours. One hour there and one hour back. Then, when it’s time to bring you home, I have to drive another hour there and another hour back.”
“Oh,” she said sheepishly, “I hadn’t thought about that.”
Irritated, I was thinking to myself Why would she even think to ask me such a thing? Why would she think that it was even an option? Then I silently answered my own question. She has gotten so used to me driving her everywhere that she is just starting to expect it. She doesn’t appreciate it because it has become commonplace. Teenagers are notorious for this; they become overfamiliar with and apathetic about the daily efforts their parents make.
It isn’t only teenagers who behave this way. At times, husbands seem to forget that the toilet doesn’t scrub itself. Some bosses rely too much on their high-performing employees, adding even more work to their plates. There are those high-maintenance friends who are always wanting to get together for coffee or asking you to help them move. Aging parents can become increasingly dependent, seemingly unaware that their needs might be burdensome. And don’t even get me started on toddlers.
In a nutshell, sometimes people make us feel taken for granted.
Chances are, you’ve felt taken for granted a time or two in your life. You’ve realized that you aren’t being properly appreciated as a result of overfamiliarity. You are being valued too lightly. Your efforts and sacrifices seem to go unnoticed. Others have started to assume that you will always be available and on point—and that nothing will ever change.
Feeling unappreciated almost inevitably leads to discouragement. This is a natural, logical progression. After discouragement come burnout and bitterness. How long can we thanklessly give of ourselves before starting to feel a little resentful?
Maybe we can feel a little better if we look at this from a different angle.
They say familiarity breeds contempt, but I’d add indifference to that list. It is hard not to become indifferent to that which we see every day. I submit to you that those who are most likely to be taken for granted are those who consistently and unwaveringly present. Those who are most likely to be taken for granted are those who reliably get the job done without asking for recognition. Those who are most likely to be taken for granted are those who are consistently available to fill the void.
If you are being taken for granted, consider this: in a way, taking you for granted might be the highest compliment anyone could ever pay you.
If you feel taken for granted by those you love, it might help to remember that everyone needs someone who is chronically dependable. You might be the only person who is meeting that need. Your reliability might be the weight-bearing pillar that is keeping them upright. When we think of it that way, our perspective might change just a bit.
I am not suggesting that you abandon self-care, working your fingers to the quick while ignoring your own needs. But in those moments when you’re feeling unappreciated, remember to give yourself a little pat on the back for being the type of person who can be taken for granted.
lives in Michigan with her husband and four (soon to be five!) children. She is a lover of music, language, and all things thought-provoking. She is a witness and testimony to God’s redemptive grace.
Photograph © Alexey Demidov, used with permission
