Loving Well When It’s Difficult to Love

 You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (Matt. 5:43-48 NIV)

I don’t think I have any true enemies. Well, besides the common, unseen enemy of all children of God. There isn’t another human set on my demise. No one pushing obstacles into my path and speaking ill of me to others. At least, not that I know of. Nor am I trying to take down another person. So who is my enemy?

Is my enemy someone who has different opinions, political ideologies, or thoughts about God? Someone I find difficult to love? Society seems to want me to think that’s the case. Sometimes I’m swayed into thinking that perhaps such people deserve bad things, but I don’t actively wish for harm and suffering to befall others.

There have been people in my life who are difficult to love. People who have made snide comments, ignored my presence, or tried to make me feel small. I’ve known people who are essentially walking storm clouds, seeing everything in a negative light, and sharing their thoughts with full force. While they aren’t my enemies, they aren’t people I enjoy spending time with.

These are the people Jesus wants me to love and pray for, but it’s a struggle. Why should I pray for them to be blessed? Why do they deserve my time and attention?

Because I’m just like them, and God still offers me love, grace, and blessing.

I’m not perfect. Unkind words have left my lips many times. I’ve chosen selfishness over generosity and helping others. I have days when I’m stuck under a storm cloud and can’t find a silver lining.

They are me, and I am them.

There may be reasons someone I find it difficult to love is having a bad day, week, or year that I know nothing about. I don’t know the challenges of their work, the struggles they’re experiencing in other relationships, or the circumstances that have brought them suffering. I think God wants us to pray for those who are most difficult to love because it’s love that effects change.

When I’m loved, I feel like I can do anything. It spurs me to do better and be better. I want to repay the favor by showing love and compassion to others.

The problem is that while I’m always loved by God, I forget and don’t live like it. If I took to heart the knowledge that God loves me and is for me, then perhaps I would love others better, even those I find frustrating and challenging.

Three Ways to Loving Well

So how can I remember that I’m loved when faced with a person I struggle to show kindness, compassion, or grace? Three things can help me obtain the proper mindset:

• Confess my transgressions. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 NIV), When I remember I am imperfect and in need of God’s grace, it helps me to acknowledge that I am not better than anyone else. That person who’s bugging me? We are both loved by God. I’m not any better than them, especially not when I’m harboring smug or unkind thoughts of my own.
• Praise God for his love for me. Psalm 106:1 says, “Praise the Lord. Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.” His love for me never ends. Not when I make a mistake. Not when I hurt another person. Not when I hurt myself. Nothing can separate me from God’s love. His love is steadfast.
• Focus my mind on scripture. There are plenty of verses I could use as mantras when I’m feeling short on compassion. First John 4:19 comes to mind first: “We love because he first loved us.” There’s also a verse straight from Jesus: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:12 NIV). The reminder that I am to be known for my love is both inspiring and convicting.

When I’ve done these things, I am better able to set aside my prejudices and hurts and fulfill my calling to love well. It may change nothing in my circumstances, but I choose to trust that my obedience has a purpose in God’s kingdom.

Father, you have called all of your people to love extravagantly. There are people in my life who make this difficult. Help me see them with your eyes, and love them like you do. Soften my heart and grow in me the capacity to love more. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 Scripture for Reflection

“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” (1 John 4:16 NIV)

“Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.” (Rom. 13:8 NIV)

Reach for More

Is there a person in your life who’s difficult to love? Try following the three steps above, asking God to give you the strength to love well even when it’s hard.

Megan Byrd enjoys reading, writing, traveling, and introverting. She loves nothing better than discovering a wanted book in a thrift store or hiking alongside a river with her family or a good friend somewhere around her home of Asheville, NC. She’s the author of Between Us Girls and can be found chronicling her reading and writing journey @megan.e.byrd on Instagram or writing about life at www.meganbyrd.net.

Photograph © Gianna Bonello, used with permission