Trusting God to Provide Community
My relationship with God has suffered during the last two years. My family moved, leaving behind a church we loved. We lost thirteen years of friendships, shared experiences, and our sense of belonging. Finding a church was a top priority, and we visited a new church every week in search of one that might feel welcoming to our family.
We searched for a church that reminded us of our old one and chose one whose demographics mirrored our family’s. We took steps to get connected, attending the newcomer class and joining a small group. And then everything shut down.
Church moved to online videos. Our game-playing small group was no more. Our opportunities to make connections vanished. My connections became my spouse, who went in to his office to focus, and my two kids, who spent some time on school work in the living room and more on being annoyed by each other. My quiet house, where I could focus on writing and other tasks, became nonexistent. The introvert in me struggled.
I found some solace and quiet in a meditation app, which was often interrupted by a child in search of me. The virtual Sunday mornings didn’t quite feel right. I missed singing along with others in the same room. I longed to smile at other in-person faces.
I led a virtual small group, hoping it would foster connection, but the medium was lacking. Eventually, church started meeting in person again, but I didn’t feel comfortable trusting my health and safety to a bunch of relative strangers. Our family continued attending online church for a while longer.
After getting vaccinated, we tried again, but there just wasn’t a connection. For all the rhetoric about the church being like home, we didn’t feel seen or wanted. Ultimately, we looked for another church.
We revisited one we’d gone to in our first round of hunting. It held outdoor services, which eased my anxiety and encouraged my cautious heart. Several people introduced themselves to us and welcomed us. It was a breath of fresh air, like new life. We decided it was the place for us. Other small mercies have confirmed our initial impression, such as our daughter finding one of her friends at service one Sunday.
Returning to in-person services has been a boon in my relational struggles, but I still yearn for the deeper connection that’s found in sharing regularly with other believers. I pray for opportunities and am inviting women for one-on-one meetings. Awkwardness pervaded one meeting, but I left our time together reminded that it’s what I’ve been searching for—a place where I can bring all parts of myself and be seen and known.
I’ve signed up to lead a women’s small group this spring, because I need more connection with other Christian women. I’m nervous about whether women will sign up to take part because no one knows me at the church (we just joined a month ago), but I’m trusting God’s love and grace that whoever needs to come will be at the first meeting.
This journey to make connections and grow my faith is not what I would have prescribed, but I know I can’t see the entire picture. I trust God has a plan and purpose that involves more than just me. I believe that “for those who love God all things work together for good” (Rom. 8:28 ESV). I also rest in this encouragement: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Prov. 3:4-5 ESV).
I know why we didn’t choose our current church in the first round, and I’ve wondered why God didn’t nudge us back toward it. If I think about it, there are several possibilities. In the three short weeks of our games group at the church we did choose initially, I made initial connections with a few women that I tried to nurture on my own. It led to an invitation to a book club I’m hoping to engage with more this year. My time at the church also spurred me on in different areas of my writing. Clearly, it wasn’t wasted time.
The Bible gives us examples of people who grew tired of waiting and the subsequent consequences. Abraham and Sarah grew tired of waiting for an heir and took matters into their own hands (Gen. 16). Ultimately, they despised Hagar because of their own actions. Rebekah and Jacob used deceit to gain Isaac’s blessing, which led to a rift between Jacob and Esau for many years. Peter chopped off a person’s ear with a sword to prevent Jesus’s arrest (John 18). They lacked the trust to wait for his timing and provision.
Waiting is hard. We feel restless, stuck, and unproductive. Our culture tells us to take action. The Bible tells us to wait on the Lord, to place our trust and hope in him, for he will not disappoint us.
I don’t have to be privy to God’s master plan to choose trust. I’ve witnessed God’s faithfulness in my past. I’m assured that he will be faithful in my future. I will repeat the words of David as I look for God’s coming provision. “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Ps. 27:13-14 NIV)
enjoys reading, writing, traveling, and introverting. She loves nothing better than discovering a wanted book in a thrift store or hiking alongside a river with her family or a good friend somewhere around her home of Asheville, NC. She’s the author of Between Us Girls and can be found chronicling her reading and writing journey @megan.e.byrd on Instagram or writing about life at www.meganbyrd.net.
Photograph © Trung Thanh, used with permission
