The Best Gift a Mother Can Give

The wind blew as we gathered around the graveside, and I watched this large, beautiful family say goodbye to their beloved grandmother. There was sadness and there were tears, but the most striking thing was the togetherness laced in, around, and among every emotion and experience of the day. Watching this family, buoyed by their togetherness, prompted a light bulb moment and sent my mind traveling back to my first wrestling match with a big mom fear.

“How can I possibly love my second baby as much as my first?”

“Is there enough of me for both of them?”

“Will having another baby rob the ones I already have of what they deserve?”

I had heard it said that the best gift you can give your child is a sibling. My oldest was only nine months old when I found out number two was going to join our family sooner than my master plan called for. I felt I was just beginning to get my “mom sea legs” and being a mom to two was a bigger challenge than I could get my head around. Everything felt like too much. Two in diapers—too much. Two schedules—too much. Two car seats, doctor appointments, piles of laundry—too much. Two little minds and hearts depending on me to help them grow up strong and healthy, two sets of eyes looking at me for how to see the world—way too much.

I wanted more than anything to feel only excited anticipation for this new little life. After all, we always planned to have more children; the only surprise was how soon more became our reality. Why the cold pit of fear in my chest? And more importantly, how could I make it go away?

The fear came from my age-old Achilles heel: living as if everything depends on me. As I had done before, I was importing my old way of living into this new area of my life. My default is to expect God to be transactional. I obey. He rewards. He gives mercy and power, but only when I deserve it somehow. If you asked me if this is how God works I would reply with an emphatic “no.” I know he’s not at all like that. My head understands and believes what the Bible says about grace.

My head believes, but my fear and stressed-out mood give me away. They tell a deeper truth about how little I expect grace to actually be available for me. They hold up a mirror to the unreasonable expectations I have for myself—expectations God doesn’t even have for me.

Looking back on my life now that those first two babies are twenty-seven and twenty-five, it’s impossible to not see God’s lavish grace poured all over me. He’s given me bigger highs than I knew to ask for on my own and carried me through deeper lows than I thought I could survive. In a life lived by God’s metrics, two plus two doesn’t equal four anymore. It equals whatever the moment, the day, the situation, the child, the mom needs because his supply is unlimited and his love is lavish.

The funny thing is, much of that multiplied provision came not from me, but from the actual sibling I was afraid would tank the equation. My vision could only see me meeting needs. Turns out, there were resources my kids needed that God chose to provide through their siblings instead of me. He made them friends (eventually), giving them inside jokes (some at my expense!), shared experiences, the beautiful feeling of being a part of a group, and lifetimes that share the same decades.

So what would I tell my stressed-out, worried, young self if I could package up today’s perspective for her? What words could I whisper in her ear to maximize her joy and minimize her fears?

God is bigger than you think. He sees from a higher vantage point than you, has bigger, better plans for your family than you, and is crafting your family for his higher purpose. You can trust him.
The mom life is as much about growing you up as growing them up. You aren’t supposed to be enough for every future challenge. The only thing you are supposed to be is a mom who is there in the moment actively trusting God to be bigger than she is. Do what you know and grow as you go. God is using life to make you strong.
Relax and smile more! The details matter less than you think they do. It really will all be OK. Your kids will forgive you for your faults, and God will fill in the gaps.
Relationships and memories are the treasures you’ll still be cherishing in twenty years. Invest your best energy in those today, because you’ll forget the other stuff.
Future you will be really glad you weathered the diapers and double strollers to embrace the big family God had planned for you. These moments truly do go by so fast.
Siblings are truly one of God’s most beautiful gifts.

I’m so glad I said “yes” to those babies God sent my way. I’m glad because of the rich life being their mom has given me. I’m also glad when I think about the future and the moment they’ll be gathered together in a cemetery saying goodbye to me. They like to pretend it won’t happen, but on the off-chance the fountain of youth is not discovered, I’m doubly glad they will have each other. I know how powerfully their bonds with each other will shape how that moment and the future will feel for them. I truly could give no better gift to my children for life and for that moment than each other.

Lori Florida lives a life that is all about her people. She’s convinced that being Mrs. to one and Mommy to eight will be her most significant way to serve Jesus. She wants to use her life to cheer on and coach the women around her. She is on staff with Project Hopeful working to give a hand up to moms in poverty in Ethiopia. You can find her at loriflorida.com.