Cultivating a Wide-Open Heart

In her book, Reclaiming Your Heart, Denise Hildreth Jones chronicles the ways her own heart shut down and how she reclaimed it. It has become one of my favorite books.

What is extraordinary to me is the way God got this book into my hands before I knew I needed it. The year was 2014, and we were in the middle of a move. My husband and son were already gone, and I was packing up our home with our official move date just around the corner.

Our church was hosting a women’s retreat I had not registered for–after all, I was on my way out. One of my friends, who was on the retreat planning committee, encouraged me to reconsider. She shared that the speaker was Denise Hildreth Jones. The name sounded familiar. I googled her and realized I had met her mother-in-law two years earlier at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes camp. We had prayed together—for Denise, who was in the process of writing Reclaiming Your Heart. When I remembered this, I knew I needed to be at that retreat!

Denise is a gifted speaker and writer, and so much of what she shared resonated with me. Who can’t relate to the ways grief and disappointment cause us to shut down our hearts? After she spoke, I had the opportunity to meet her and purchase a copy of the book I had prayed for her to finish.

That book was packed almost immediately, but two years later, it became a lifeline for me.

After moving in 2014, my husband was offered an opportunity to work for a coach he had long admired, so we moved again in 2015. When that coach’s contract wasn’t renewed just months after we arrived, we moved again, temporarily returning to the house we had been unable to sell while my husband continued his job search. Three months later, when he was hired as an analyst at a school in another state, we made plans to move once more. Three moves, three different states in a span of just eleven months. My heart felt shut down. I couldn’t handle all the feelings.

I rediscovered Reclaiming Your Heart while packing for the third move, a move that involved transitioning from a five-bedroom home to a two-bedroom apartment. I was separating my belongings into three groups: stuff to take, stuff to get rid of, and stuff to place in storage. As I held the book in my hands, I knew it was coming with me!

In the book, Denise shares many ways to identify a shut-down heart. A few that I easily related to were:

• If you’re no longer doing things you used to love to do
• If disappointment after disappointment has convinced you that having a dream isn’t worth the pain
• If you rarely laugh or cry anymore
• If you’ve stopped feeling things on a deep level

Recognizing that my heart was shut down was the easy part; pursuing the remedy was a bit harder.

As I read Denise’s book, I worked to cultivate the life I wanted. Developing relationships with some extraordinary women was an important part of my journey. These women were the wives of our coaching staff, women from our church, and those I met while attending a Bible study for wives affiliated with NASCAR. Although I knew literally nothing about racing, these women welcomed me with open arms. I am forever grateful for the role all these women played in helping me reclaim my heart. During this time, I also sought counseling, something Denise encourages.

Over the next three years, we enjoyed a bit more stability, moving only to transition from our small apartment to a home we purchased when my husband was promoted. As my belongings came back together under one roof, I felt like I was simultaneously putting my heart back together.

When it was time to move again, God took us back to a place we loved where we had friends and family close by. It was an easy transition. Once settled, my commitment to living life to the full led me to seek help for my insomnia and osteoporosis.

Through some amazing healthcare providers, my insomnia is now a thing of the past, and the benefits of a good night’s sleep have brought many rewards. I have the energy to take long walks and hit the gym, things that are good for my bones.

One of my lifelong passions has been riding horses. I always thought I would return to riding when my children were grown, but I gave up on that dream when I was diagnosed with osteoporosis. I’ve discovered that fear was just a symptom of my shut-down heart, and last year I made my comeback! Riding has brought me so much joy; it makes me feel fully alive.

It is hard to glorify God with a shut-down heart. Trust me, I tried.

Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, in their book How People Grow, say it this way:

“Spiritual growth is not only about coming back into a relationship with God and each other, and about pursuing a pure life, but it is also about coming back to life—the life that God created people to live.”

This is what Jesus said:

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  (John 10:10 NIV)

We glorify God by finding and celebrating the life he created us to live—with a wide-open heart. So, friend, how is your heart today?

Ann Skalaski and her husband of thirty-three years live in Gainesville, FL. They have moved a dozen times, raising three children along the way. They have added a son-in-law, daughter-in-law, and two precious grandsons to the mix. When she is not packing or unpacking, Ann enjoys serving as a mentor mom for MOPS International, joining Bible studies, meeting friends for coffee, taking long walks, and watching lots of football. Ann is passionate about using lessons from her journey to help other women navigate change in their own lives.

Photograph © Salman Hossain Saif, used with permission