Balanced Love

I consider February a month in which to take stock of our relationships and consider how and whom we love. We take time to focus on Black history. There is our manufactured holiday on the fourteenth, which we hope is centered on love no matter our relationship status. I also think of how Jesus made our charge as his followers clear: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matt. 22:37-40 NIV).

It’s so simple yet so difficult.

God’s Goodness

I grew up in the South, where attending church services was embedded into the culture. It was certainly a requirement in my home. The church body I was a part of was a good one. It was comprised of kind people who spurred me to love God more. It was a spirit-filled church, so I grew up comfortable with expressing my worship to God outwardly and openly.

My image of God was as a good, loving, just God. I now know that many women view God as being similar to their human fathers. If a father was overly strict or mean, a woman very likely will have an inflated view of God’s justice and power. If her father was loving and kind, it can be easy for her to see God as daddy, loving and generous.

My father had his moments of firmness, but he was exceedingly loving and kind. He wanted what was best for me and my sister. We were safe and cared for in our home. There were boundaries and expectations but also laughter and joy. Likely in no small part due to the discipleship process of my own father, it has always been easy for me to see God as kind, loving, good, and just.

If your picture of God is different, even difficult, it may be because of the character of your father or other wounds in your story. I was extremely fortunate to have a human father who reflected many of God’s qualities. But even if I hadn’t, God’s goodness would remain unchanged. If that goodness is difficult for you to accept, I pray you’ll seek him and ask him to reveal himself more clearly to you. This may require the help of a trusted a friend or even therapy, for which there is no shame. Accepting God’s character as it is described in the Bible is the first step to being able to follow his commands.

Loving God

Jesus clearly states that loving God is the most important commandment. How can we ensure we are emphasizing this part of our faith?

Of course, spiritual disciplines are key. We love him when we spend time with him in prayer. We love him when we sing songs of worship to him. We love him when we spend time in the Bible, learning about his character and his commands. We love him when we connect with other believers and learn more about how to follow him with intentionality.

It’s not about the quantity of time. I don’t love God better if I spend an hour in the morning with him versus ten minutes. However, time and intentionality are necessary. As our culture seems to move faster and faster, it can be easy for time with God to be squeezed out entirely. I am regularly guilty of not putting him first.

Loving Others

Jesus then goes on to clearly communicate the next most important commandment: to love others as ourselves. There’s an assumption here that we love ourselves to begin with. This is an important area in and of itself, but a topic for another day. For now, I’d like to focus on how we love others.

When I consider the first half of my life, I was guilty of loving only those who were like me. I loved my family. I loved my friends, with whom I clicked naturally. I had very few people in my life who did not know Jesus or who were not family. I was loving the heck out of all those people, though!

As I grew in my faith, I realized I had completely missed a huge part of what Jesus was asking of me. I was not engaging with the marginalized. (Well, unless you count that Saturday of Service when I went and served food to the homeless for a couple of hours.) I was not seeking relationships with those who were different from me, in worldview, socioeconomic status, race, or any other way.

Jesus clearly calls us to do just that, and he modeled it throughout his ministry.

Finding the Balance

As I take stock of my relationships this month, I want to consider whether I’ve found the balance in loving God first and loving his people next. When I look at my calendar and how I spend my day, am I loving him first and loving others second? Even though I spend much of my time at a full-time job, I can still be loving both God and others through my actions.

There have been times when I’ve been pretty solid at loving God and pretty lousy at loving others. There have been other times when I took bold steps to love others but neglected spending time loving my God.

My goal for 2022 is put God first and put his people—including those it takes active effort and intention for me to love—next. I’d be honored if you’d join me.

Amy Wiebe is a Jesus follower, wife, mom of three, finance director, and lover of sarcasm and deep conversations with friends. She also loves camping, rafting, skiing, sewing, and hosting others in her home.

Photograph © Noorulabdeen Ahmad, used with permission