Let’s Celebrate Our Losses

The past eighteen months have been marked by losses. Loss of life, employment, mental health, and more. Those are serious tragedies and shouldn’t be glossed over. I have suffered my own hardships over the last year. But I want to take a moment to celebrate some of the losses I’ve experienced. Celebrate losses? Can losses be good? Well, weight loss is sometimes good, but that’s certainly not what I’ve experienced lately! I’m talking about things like the loss of self-importance, self-sufficiency, busyness, vanity, boundaries, and security.

“We’re in this together.” How many times have we heard that? Well, now we know it’s true. Where would be without delivery drivers, pharmacists, grocery workers, farmers, supply chain employees, scientists, healthcare workers, and everyone in between? If ever I thought I was fancy for having a desk job where I work with words all day, now I know I am “nonessential.” Not that nonessential jobs aren’t important, but now some positions are receiving the respect they deserve and never had before. A shuffling of the pecking order is good. Maybe now we’re a little more like the kingdom of God, where everything we thought is turned topsy-turvy (Matt. 20:16; 1 Cor. 3:18-19).

I’ve experienced a loss not only of self-importance but also of self-sufficiency. Almost nothing worth experiencing can be done alone. A desire for intimacy with God? I look to the Spirit-inspired Bible, pastors, friends, authors, editors, and others to fuel that growth. On a quest for knowledge? Experts, YouTubers, and the like can help. Even something as seemingly simple as ordering too much pandemic TP from Amazon takes a number of people and processes. We need each other. I now not only know this but feel it, too.

I’m a homebody, so I try to keep my schedule from being overfull. But with shutdowns, we were forced from our busy lifestyles. Some loved it. Some hated it. Either way, I think the slower pace is good for all of us at times. My mental load was lightened tremendously. I didn’t have to think about packing school lunches, when and where to stop for gas, what to wear, where we had to be, or much of anything. In the beginning, I’ll admit I was in a bit of a funk, maybe as many of you were. I’ve since learned that perhaps what I felt could be described as acedia. But I had more time for playing games, cooking, and reading than I had in years. I read good books and enjoyed tea parties and played checkers on my lunch breaks. Now that both of my kids are back in school full-time, I mourn the loss of those special times. So indeed, the loss of busyness was worth celebrating.

Admitting one’s vanity is hard, but in this world full of seemingly picture-perfect people, we women feel the pressure. I probably hadn’t left the house without makeup on since I was a kid. COVID changed that. It helped that many others were barefaced, too. But even now that I (and others) am back to “putting on my face” (as my grandma would say) more regularly, I feel more confident going without it. There’s a freedom in it. Plus, who doesn’t want to take one thing off their to-do list?

Boundaries are good and healthy. We could probably all benefit from setting a few more of them. But COVID seemed to make some boundaries more fluid. A boundary between home life and work? What’s that? The roles of parent and teacher? Just merge those! While I’ve made many adjustments, I think the scramble was a good reminder of what was already true: our lives are full and multifaceted. We aren’t just employees. We aren’t just moms or dads or teachers or students or husbands or wives. Managers were able to see (and hear!), perhaps for the first time, their employees’ kids running around in the background during a Zoom call. Coworkers saw each other’s fur babies, which sure enjoyed the extra attention. Some saw their family members become patients, while those of others were the caretakers. As individuals, we are so much more than we appear on the surface. Let’s remember that before we jump to conclusions or judge too quickly.

A sense of security is also good. But I daresay that sense was shaken for many of us. Employment is not a guarantee. Neither is our health. When I went on bedrest at twenty-nine weeks pregnant with my daughter, that was the most clear-headed I’ve been about the truth: I’m not ultimately in control. Neither are you. While that might be a scary realization, it can also be freeing. I can make plans (birth plan, anyone?) and save money and eat healthy, which are all good and wise things, but I don’t have to grip the outcomes so tightly. Let’s aim for less striving, more serenity.

While I long for things to get back to “normal,” I don’t want to stay the same. I want to learn and grow and shift my perspectives. I want to value others more and think of myself less. I want to freely place the worries of my life, and life itself, in the hands of my Creator. I want to lean in and see the positive in the negative, if any can be found. What about you? What losses have you experienced this year? Are any worth celebrating?

Kim Tanner enjoys the beauty and power of the written word and is an editor, wife, and mother of two. She lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Photograph © Geike Verniers, used with permission