Distinguishing God’s Character from Our Own
My husband and I recently purchased a home built in the 1960s that needed some features updated. One of the challenges with an older home is that you never know what you’ll find as you begin repairs.
It was important to me that the mirror my grandmother gifted us years ago was displayed in place of the outdated vanity in our new half bath. I diligently measured the space and determined that the best option for a light would be one that hung over the mirror. I found an uncomplicated light with the flexibility we needed and waited. Finally, the day arrived when my husband had help to complete the project, but he encountered the one thing we didn’t anticipate when he removed the old vanity.
The old vanity’s lighting connections didn’t require a junction box, so my husband found himself staring at two wires hanging from a hole in the wall. To complicate matters even more, the wires were much lower than we had anticipated. We were going to need the help of a professional to sort things out.
For days, I stared at the wires in that bathroom. The vanity was two inches wider than my grandmother’s mirror, and we’d also discovered wallpaper behind the vanity. My quick mirror and light exchange had gone from a $30 project to requiring an electrician and half a day’s work painting.
Every time I walked past the bathroom, the wires caught my eye. I considered calling an electrician before pushing the task to a different day. Every time I turned on the lights to use the bathroom, I looked at the three switches, and…oh, right, I forgot to mention that the bathroom also has an overhead light.
It took me three weeks to realize that the bathroom would function perfectly well without a light over the mirror. Unfortunately, I was focused on unnecessary details, preventing me from my ultimate goal of updating the bathroom and incorporating the mirror from my grandmother.
By the time I figured out how to move forward, we were deep into a huge floor renovation project, which added some urgency to deciding what to do in the bathroom. Of course, it would make sense to paint before adding new floors, but should we paint before calling an electrician?
I approached my husband and said, “Hey, so I was thinking. What if we just put up the mirror and forgot about the light altogether?”
My husband laughed; he had come to this realization when removing the vanity. He’d even discussed it with our son. Now, I don’t know about you, but when I heard we could have completed the bathroom three weeks earlier, I was frustrated.
Even though I’d established that my goal was to incorporate the mirror from my grandmother, my husband had a different priority. His priority was knowing without a doubt that he hadn’t convinced me to compromise on design choices. He was willing to live with a hole in the wall for as long as it took for me to make a decision about the bathroom on my own.
Ironically, his willingness to give me space and time caused him additional frustration because I felt the timeline for completion was now urgent. He’d had three weeks to offer a suggestion and avoid this conflict, and now we needed to finish all the projects at once.
My husband saw his deferral as a generous and loving act. His goal wasn’t to make sure that things moved at a certain pace or that something went his way. Unfortunately, just as I became lost in the unnecessary details of the light fixture in our bathroom, my husband was lost in his own details.
Because he’d decided that it was impossible to know whether I was happily or begrudgingly compromising on the bathroom design unless I came to a decision on my terms, he created unnecessary stress and chaos. And while this example is somewhat superficial, I believe it’s something we do with our relationship with God as well.
Have you ever stopped yourself from moving forward with a decision because you wanted God to show you a sign of his approval? Have you ever moved forward with something because you are certain it was God’s will for you only to become frustrated with him when things don’t go as planned a few months later?
In his book After Doubt, A.J. Swoboda addresses the culture of deconstruction. One of the areas he covers is the principle of projection. We project our thoughts and feelings about situations onto God and determine that he acts and responds the same way we do. Swoboda also points out that many positive things can come from deconstruction when it involves good doctrine and self-knowledge (1 Tim. 4:16).
The challenge comes when we project our thoughts, opinions, and character traits onto God. We must do the work to learn how to distinguish between our sinful nature and God’s perfect character.
Romans 7:21-25 says:
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! (NIV)
We have a Savior who is strong enough to resist the war between good and evil that rages within humans, as Paul identified in his own heart and expressed in Romans 7. This is a key distinction between God and man, and when we project our humanity onto him, we reduce his strength, power, and character to human weaknesses. We must learn how to discern between our personal goals, opinions, and preferences versus those of God.
J.I. Packer says, “We need an approach to spiritual formation that sees Christ as the center, in whose story we are a footnote.” I believe this wisdom is how we begin the process of preventing projection and distinguishing God’s character from our own.
In the end, our bathroom update ended up costing about $30 in paint and supplies to brace the mirror rather than the addition of a new light fixture. My grandmother’s mirror is where I hoped we would display it, and my husband achieved the outcome most important to him. The project dragged out weeks longer than it should have, and we likely endured more stress than was necessary. But I suppose that’s the reality of renovations of all types. They are messy, they rarely happen without surprises, and at some point, emotions will get the best of us. Aren’t you grateful we have a Savior who is capable of handling any surprise that we encounter? I know I am.
is a football coach’s wife and mom of two energetic boys. She strives to encourage those around her to pursue their best lives in Jesus whether she is near the game field, in church, or at the local coffee shop. As a writer, Beth has been striving to find her voice through seeing Jesus in the ordinary and extraordinary of daily life. She blogs at Lessons from the Sidelines.
Photograph © Jackson David, used with permission
