What Love Looks Like

“My command is this: Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 15:12 NIV)

A girlfriend of mine (let’s call her Jane) told me a story recently about how she and her family have basically gone kosher. They have a friend living with them who is kosher, and he was uncomfortable cooking in their kitchen around any pork. Jane tried to keep all the things separate and scrub everything really clean after cooking, but the friend still had a hard time with it. They love him. They wanted him to feel like their home was his home too, so they gave up eating pork while he was living in their house.

Jane said they still buy ham, which they take out of the house for lunches occasionally, and they sometimes get pulled pork or barbecue if they are out to eat, but they generally do not have it in the house anymore.

Personally, I think this is an act of great love, but another friend expressed distaste at this sacrifice saying, “Jane, you guys should just do what you want.”

When Jane told me this story, all I could think was, Wow. That is love. Her family loves this friend and is willing to give up this thing in their lives so he can feel good while he’s staying in their home. The sacrifice is worth it to them because he is worth whatever they are losing.

Some sacrifices get easier when they are about loving someone well. Now, Jane and her family don’t even feel like they are losing anything. It is not that hard to abstain from having pork in the house. It is just a habit they’ve put into place. This “small” sacrifice is a great example of one of the things we Americans feel entitled to. We think we should have it all, all the time, and we should not have to think about the feelings of others, especially if it means we perceive that our lives are negatively affected in any way.

My question then became: Who actually lost here? If Jane and her family gain lovely feelings in their hearts by giving up bacon, then I believe they will think it is worth it. Giving to another person in a way that shows off the extravagant, sacrificial love of Christ feels good. Trust me when I say that we are only able to do that because of Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross and our understanding of it. If we have not come to the place of realization that Jesus gave it all for us, then we might not appreciate why this whole scenario makes sense. However, if we do understand it, even a little, then our eyes open to the possibilities of what love can really do.

Love gives everything while expecting nothing in return.

Unfortunately, our humanness often interrupts our ability to be and give like Jesus. Our expectations end up taking over, and we do not remain satisfied with being the giver. We want a return on our investment. This is not the way of Christ. He gave it all and, perhaps, following Christ and glorifying the Father requires us to practice doing the same?

Lord, let us make sacrifice for others a way of life, remembering that it is the way of Christ. Let us remember that having it all, having the American dream, is not actually what life is about. You give us the grace to empty ourselves for others, just so you can fill us back up again. This is the way we show off your extravagant love. Help us give whatever we have, wherever we are, to whomever you put in our lives, so that we can be “little Christs” and lead people into a desire for a relationship with you. Amen.

Scripture for Reflection

“I have received full payment and have more than enough. I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God.” (Phil. 4:18 NIV)

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (Jas. 1:17 NIV)

“Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Cor. 9:7 NIV)

Reach for More

Giving things away, be they material, spiritual, or emotional, does not always feel good at first. I have certainly experienced that tug-of-war in my heart because I want to have all the good things for myself. But once I let go, my heart doesn’t feel so tight, sort of like the Grinch as he realizes that sharing life with the Whos will be a beautiful experience when he is part of it. Sometimes giving actually looks like doing away with things in our lives for the betterment of others, like in this story above.

The challenge this week (and always) is to keep our eyes open for the opportunities God puts in front of us to share what we have with others or do something that shows off his love and reminds them they are seen. Being a giver does not always look like spending money. It looks like sacrifice, and that is beautiful, especially to the person the sacrifice benefits.

Who and how can we love this week to show off Jesus’s love? Sometimes it feels weird and uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of a sacrifice or gift like that, but press on. This is about the extravagant way Jesus loves each and every one of us.

Carla Clemens enjoys a crazy, beautiful life with her military husband, four sons, and a daughter. A baby interrupts her homeschool days in the best ways, and she is always attempting to live with mindfulness of each moment. She hopes to look at the world and each person in it in light of our amazing Creator, and therefore, to see each moment presented as an opportunity to love and serve him more. Carla relishes time to ponder God’s Word and have quiet moments with him and her coffee. She loves doing life with other mamas and encouraging them to simply be who God has made them to be.

Photograph © Brigitte Tohm, used with permission