Extend a Little Grace

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Eph. 4:32 ESV)

Loaded down with a megaphone, a first-aid bag, and a heavy heart, I trudged around the playground. Recess duty was never one of my favorite tasks, and on that particular day, the job felt especially burdensome.

After a long stretch of dry weather, the once-grassy back of the playground had become like a sandbox. A group of children were enjoying the tactile sensation of sand running through their fingers. They lifted the sand in scoops, poured it out, and watched in fascination as the wind intercepted the flowing sand and sent it swirling. Their hands, their hair, and their white uniform shirts were smudged with brown dust.

Using the megaphone, I delivered a half-hearted admonishment.

“Don’t play in the dirt.”

The little group of offenders ignored me, and I couldn’t gather the energy to break up their sand party.

A crushing crisis in my personal life weighed heavy on my heart, and that day, I wrestled with problems more serious than dirt on the playground.. But I endured recess duty and brought the kids back to class. No one was bleeding. I had successfully fulfilled my obligation as Teacher on Duty.

Or so I thought. The next day I received a phone call; a mother of one of my students called the school office and demanded to talk to me.

“I was appalled when my child came home yesterday,” she said. Her clothes were filthy, and her beautiful brown face was covered with dirt. She told me a boy poured sand on her at recess. Why was this allowed? Why was the boy not punished? Why did no one at school at least clean her up?”

My first inclination was to let the mother know the incident had nothing to do with the color of the child’s skin. Many other children had also gone home dusty and disheveled. And the little sand-pouring boy wasn’t a malicious child. He just liked playing in the dirt.

 

But instead I said, “I love your daughter. I’m sorry I didn’t clean her up. And I’ll make sure the boy apologizes.”

I’m sure the mother heard my voice cracking and noticed my sobs as I struggled to get the words out. Maybe she thought I felt guilty.

But the chambers of my heart echoed with words I would never speak aloud.

 If only you knew how much courage it took for me to out of bed and go to work yesterday. What’s a little dirt? A bath can wash sand out of your child’s hair. The washing machine will wash the dirt out of her clothes. But nothing will wash away my heartache.  I’ve been squeezed out like a tube of toothpaste until I have nothing left to give. You don’t know what I’ve been through. Could you not extend a little grace?

Instead, I kept silent I thought, Maybe she’s also been through some heartache. I didn’t know what wounds that mother had suffered. Was she bullied as a child? Had she been insulted or mistreated? Had she faced discrimination in her workplace? I didn’t know.

She hadn’t walked in my shoes, but I hadn’t walked in hers either. So I also needed to extend grace to her.

I like to think we were just two women who were fighting our own hard battles. She didn’t know about mine, and I didn’t understand hers. So the best we could offer one another was kindness and forgiveness.

You may have seen the quote which reads, “Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

I’m not sure of the origin of the quote, but I’m sure it’s true. We won’t always know another person’s battles or heartaches. Nor will we always know their motives. But regardless of their intentions, the Bible instructs us to be kind to one another.

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” (1 Pet. 3:9 NIV).

Sometimes when others offend us, the issue has nothing to do with us and everything to do with problems playing out in the background.

Likewise, others might take offense to something we’ve done, even though we had no intention of causing hurt. Who knows? They may be nursing old wounds which produce outrage at the slightest provocation.

So let’s extend a little grace.

One day we might need a little grace in return.

Father, help us to remember to show kindness to others, even the ones who hurt us. They may be the ones most in need of compassion and forgiveness. When our first inclination is to lash out or become defensive, help us to see the other person’s point of view and to respond in a Christ-like manner. Help us to be more like Jesus. Amen.

Scripture for Reflection

“But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.” (Luke 6:35 ESV)  

^“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.  If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Rom. 12:17-18 ESV)

Reach for More

Who needs your kindness today? Look around. Is there someone who needs to hear gentle and respectful words rather than angry accusations or defensive remarks?

Who needs your forgiveness? Has someone misjudged you? Has someone wounded you, maybe even unintentionally?

When we’re offended, let’s extend some grace.

Margaret Kemp spends most days teaching a classroom full of lively five-and six-year-olds. She’s attracted to be fragrance of vanilla, the printed word, and all things blue and white. She delights in spending time with her husband and family, singing praises with her church choir peeps, and traveling. Her heart’s desire is to know God better and learn to trust him more. You can read more of her writing at MargaretKemp.com.

Photograph © Jan Tinneberg, used with permission