The Process of “Letting”

As an Enneagram 4, I am acutely aware of my own deficiencies. Maybe that explains why I am so incredibly drawn to self-help books. My shelves are lined with them. How to be your best; how to forgive; how to find joy, contentment, peace. I have learned that simply reading these books cannot produce change; I must embrace their message and act.

While such resources are often beneficial, God personally and providentially facilitates change in his children another way: through our circumstances.

We each have a unique story in which God writes chapters carefully crafted to grow us into who he created us to be. His story, told through us.

We must walk through the circumstances of our lives. But, as we do with self-help books, we get to choose whether to embrace or reject the growth God offers to us. Oswald Chambers says it this way: “We are not fundamentally free; external circumstances are not in our hands, they are in God’s hands, the one thing in which we are free is in our personal relationship to God. We are not responsible for the circumstances we are in, but we are responsible for the way we allow those circumstances to affect us; we can either allow them to get on top of us, or we can allow them to transform us into what God wants us to be.”

I confess, I don’t always particularly like the story God is writing for me. There have been times when I have been discouraged by my circumstances and even bitter about the difficulties and hardships in my path.

There was one particular season when I really struggled with often-quoted Romans 8:28: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (ESV).

I could acknowledge that many things, possibly even most things, work together for good. But all things? That seemed like a stretch. But focusing on the end of the verse, “for those who are called according to his purpose” helps clarify “the good” Paul is referring to. Not my comfort or happiness, but “fitting” me for the purpose God has called me to. All things have the potential for shaping me into who God wants me to be. All things.

James helps me further see this when he writes:

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4 ESV)

Lacking in nothing! This is music to the ears of an Enneagram 4. I lean into these three verses as if they were the latest self-help book.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds. I don’t know about you, but joy isn’t my go-to emotion when I find myself in undesirable circumstances. Yet trial after trial has confirmed that hardships are fertile ground for growth. I have also seen that this growth—being complete, lacking in nothing—isn’t guaranteed; it is merely one possible outcome. So what differentiates suffering that produces joy from trials that are just trials?

For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. Steadfastness is defined as being faithful, reliable, and loyal in the face of adversity. In His perfect timing, God has seen me through every trial—regardless of whether I engaged in complaining and handwringing or trusted him through the valley. Complaining and worrying reveals my lack of faithfulness while trusting him builds my steadfastness…and leads to joy.

And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. Recently, while studying James in a group, someone pointed out the word “let,” and that changed everything about how I read this passage. We are not passive in the process of maturing through trials. Difficulties do not mature us any more than reading a good self-help book does. We must choose to embrace and act, to “let” our steadfast faith have its full effect.

What does this process of “letting” look like? Matthew Henry’s commentary provides a clue: “We should not pray so much for the removal of affliction, as for wisdom to make a right use of it.” I am prone to grumble in affliction. For me, this “letting” looks like trusting that God is sovereign over the trials that come into my life and choosing to hold my tongue and quiet my grumbling thoughts. It is making right use of the situation by humbly accepting that God is allowing this trial for his glory and to prepare me for serving his good purpose. It is demonstrating my steadfastness to Christ in the middle of the mess. ”Letting” is seldom easy.

Linger on that word, “let.” Whatever “letting” looks like for you, know that it is hard but fruitful work, producing the steadfastness that leads to joy. The contentment we have when we, in Christ, are lacking in nothing because he is our everything.

Ann Skalaski and her husband of thirty-three years live in Gainesville, FL. They have moved a dozen times, raising three children along the way. They have added a son-in-law, daughter-in-law, and two precious grandsons to the mix. When she is not packing or unpacking, Ann enjoys serving as a mentor mom for MOPS International, joining Bible studies, meeting friends for coffee, taking long walks, and watching lots of football. Ann is passionate about using lessons from her journey to help other women navigate change in their own lives.

Photograph © Dusan Jovic, used with permission