Love Like It’s Your Job

God made us all unique and wired for connection, which is exactly what makes each of us worthy of love. We are created to have it. Our families need it to function so they can support one another in beautiful ways. I hope to encourage families to love one another, no matter the challenges they face or the sorrow they have experienced.

A few weeks ago, I took my kids to play at the park. My two-year-old daughter proceeded to go up and down the slide a billion times. As I sat there, a daddy joined me on the bench and watched his two little daughters join mine in the sliding festivities. He seemed to be enjoying being outdoors and watching his girls, if one can tell such a thing from someone’s face.

I asked him about the girls.

“Did I hear you say the little one’s name is Cora? I love that.”

“Coral, actually.”

“Oh gosh. I love that, too. So pretty. Is she about eighteen months?” I asked.

“She is! Moms must have a sense about that stuff. I can never tell how old other kids might be.”

He stood up to help one of them with something, in that way that parents do when they are chasing kids around the playground, trying to let them play freely while also being watchful and worrying about them breaking a bone if things get too crazy.

After sending the girls back to play, he said, “Actually, my wife just died, and now I am stuck with the kids. I have been off work for the last three months. I am going a little crazy, so we came down here to visit my parents for the day. They live not far from the park here.”

Talk about not knowing what to say.

“I am so, so sorry. Was it unexpected?” I asked.

“Completely,” he said.

“So now you are on your own with two little ladies. You mentioned your parents. Is your family pretty supportive?”

“Yes, my family is great. And yes, I have these two littles, but I also have an eleven-year-old step-daughter who is mine now. Her dad is not involved, and I am keeping her.”

“Wow,” I said. “You definitely have a lot on your plate. Not only have you lost your partner, but you are a stay-at-home-parent when you weren’t before. And what a heart you have for a little girl who needs you. It is so awesome that you want her and that she can be with her sisters.”

We watched the kids play a while longer, until my daughter wanted to play somewhere else. Before I walked away, I looked at this dad sitting beside me, and my heart both broke and exploded. It’s funny how that seems possible. Here was a man who must be going through the hardest thing in his life so far, and instead of retreating within himself, he hands out the love to his girls like it’s his job.

Imagine what our world would look like if we all handed out love like it’s our job, like we have to do it in order to have what we need for our lives to happen or make sense or function. The truth is that when we offer love like that, our lives improve, enhanced by the joy that comes with the giving. Looking outside ourselves always leads to joy, even if circumstances are still difficult or there is still work to do on the relationships.

Before I moved on with my daughter, I looked over at that daddy and said, “I know you feel stuck right now. Life is so different, and it must feel so hard. But I can tell how much you love these little people and how much you must love their sister. That is amazing. You are not stuck with them. They are your gift. You can be each other’s gifts. Keep creating that atmosphere, where you love one another and encourage one another. Keep your girls close to you, and make your relationships tight so that you can always be each other’s people. You are doing a good job.”

He smiled and told me that was good advice. I think it is. As a mama, more than anything, I want my kids to like and love one another and to have good relationships with me and their dad. This comes at the cost of paying attention to my relationship with them and their relationships with each other. Seeing that now-single dad at the park with his girls made this desire well up in me more poignantly than ever.

We have this one precious life in which to attempt to love well. We must give love like it’s our job so that our kids can see that love is worth it and that people are worth it. They are gardens worth tending with great attention and care. This means loving (with action) alongside our sadness, grief, hurt, pain, fear, and whatever else. That daddy did not stay home on his couch, telling his girls he loved them but then leaving them to their own devices. Granted, one of them was quite young, which might have made pulling himself off the couch feel more manageable. Tangible needs do that.

Relationships, like gardens, need both physical attention and tender love in action. Like flowers, relationships wilt without care. Gardeners must tend their gardens no matter how they feel, or they will see no growth, and therefore, no beauty.

How are you tending the gardens of your relationships today? How are you handing out love like it’s your job?

Carla Clemens enjoys a crazy, beautiful life with her military husband, four sons, and a daughter. A baby interrupts her homeschool days in the best ways, and she is always attempting to live with mindfulness of each moment. She hopes to look at the world and each person in it in light of our amazing Creator, and therefore, to see each moment presented as an opportunity to love and serve him more. Carla relishes time to ponder God’s Word and have quiet moments with him and her coffee. She loves doing life with other mamas and encouraging them to simply be who God has made them to be.

Photograph © Nik Radzi, used with permission