Don’t Leap Before You Look

One opportunity virtual school has created for my teenage sons is the ability to step outside of “class” and walk into my home office to ask a question or share whatever thought crosses their mind. It doesn’t happen often, but the questions my sons wrestle with these days aren’t lighthearted.

They wonder why some people assume my husband and I are divorced when they haven’t met us. They also ask why people who attend church define loving people one way when the people they serve say they don’t feel loved by the church. My teens want firm answers on who is right and who is wrong.

As we’ve talked through different experiences, I’ve noticed a pattern. It seems there is a faux pas we’re all capable of committing, which is a “leap before we look” attitude. I observe that the risk of committing this error increases when we surround ourselves with people who think similarly to us. When others constantly affirm that we are right, we can have difficulty accepting an opposing thought as valid when someone presents one.

Seth Godin says, “Based on who they are and what they want and what they know, everyone is right. Every time.” The question then becomes, what is it that someone defines as “right” and why?

Going back to my sons’ questions, the first one about our marriage has absolute truth. My husband and I are not divorced, and neither of us was previously married. So those who assume otherwise are wrong.

The second scenario up for discussion presents multiple opportunities for people to root in and claim the higher ground of being “right.” Why do people who attend church define loving people one way when the people they serve say they don’t feel loved by the church? This is a difficult question to answer concisely, but I think we can consider part of the why for some people.

A December 2019 Barna Research Report revealed that 94 percent of practicing Christians believe the church has a strong or very positive community impact, while only 65 percent of non-believers consider the church to have a very positive impact. Additionally, 18 percent of non-believers state that the church has a somewhat or very negative impact on their community, whereas those categories (somewhat negative or very negative) aren’t even considered by practicing Christians.[1]

This survey could be an example of a situation where defining what people consider “right” before answering the questions or reading the results would have helped. It seems both parties involved may be talking past each other rather than pausing to listen to one another.

• Is it possible that because those attending church are only receiving feedback from other believers, they aren’t aware that their “helpful” actions in their communities aren’t impacting those with the greatest needs?
• Is it possible that non-believers misunderstand the heart and intent behind the church’s desire to serve people in its communities?
• Is it possible that the answer to both questions is yes?

If both church attendees and non-believers can see the scenario in which they are right and the other in which they are wrong, then both groups may be right and wrong depending on the perspective each brings to the table. If this is possible, then who is right?

James 3:13-18 says:

Who among you is wise and understanding? By his good conduct he should show that his works are done in the gentleness that comes from wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don’t boast and deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from above but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where there is envy and selfish ambition, there is disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without pretense. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who cultivate peace. (CSB)

It’s difficult to admit, but even when we have the best intentions, it’s possible to misinterpret any situation. We can apply the wrong intentions and convince ourselves we’re doing something for the right reasons. When we place ourselves in an echo chamber of people who think the same way, they will affirm our choices, whether or not those choices are best in a given situation.

King David’s family underestimated his courage and leadership ability more than once. His father, Jesse, leaped before he looked. He called all his sons before the prophet Samuel to see who would become the next king. Yet 1 Samuel 16:7 says, “The Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart'” (NIV). Samuel had to ask Jesse to pull David from tending sheep in the fields so he could anoint him as the future king.

When we leap before we look, the chances of our inaccurate biases blinding us to our neighbors’ needs increases. James reminds us that true wisdom doesn’t come from humans. Wise people ask God to guide them rather than relying on instinct. Seeking God’s wisdom starts with pausing to pray. A simple prayer, such as, “Father, let my heart break for the same things that break your heart,” invites God to show us whatever it is that burdens him. We may discover unmet needs all around us, or we may realize we have been serving exactly where we should be but need to adjust our approach. We may learn that distrust prevents non-believers from understanding the true intentions behind our words and actions.

James reminds us that God’s wisdom cultivates peace. So even if we believe our intentions are correct, if those we serve view them differently, isn’t the right thing to do to seek peace and build a bridge of trust? This requires humility, but when we step forward with God, we accomplish our original goals to serve our community, don’t we?

If the goal is to claim we are correct based on our definition of “right,” we should accept that another perspective is also right. However, if the goal is to love our neighbors to best serve them by fulfilling their needs in ways they will receive, asking God to guide our decisions rather than leaping before we look seems wise.

[1] https://www.barna.com/research/current-perceptions/

Beth Walker is a football coach’s wife and mom of two energetic boys. She strives to encourage those around her to pursue their best lives in Jesus whether she is near the game field, in church, or at the local coffee shop. As a writer, Beth has been striving to find her voice through seeing Jesus in the ordinary and extraordinary of daily life. She blogs at Lessons from the Sidelines.

Photograph © Raychan, used with permission