A Guide to Speaking Up

For most of my life, I have been a non-confrontational person. I hate conflict, and I especially hate bringing up something in conversation that might cause conflict. I have also had trouble being vulnerable about myself and my experiences. So if a topic means being vulnerable and potentially causing conflict, my instinct is to shy away and let others handle it.

Then, a few years ago, I realized something: the more I shared about myself and the more I spoke up about injustices, the more I saw that speaking up can empower others who might need to hear it and speak up themselves. Speaking up for others is powerful and restorative.

For instance, sharing posts about abuse on social media has made me feel vulnerable and anxious because of some of my past experiences with abuse. But when I started sharing, more people started opening up to me about their own experiences. I found a sense of healing and community with others who understood what I was talking about.

I not only felt less alone, but I also realized how important it is for me to use my voice and my writing to speak about these difficult topics. I remember how I felt when I was stuck in abusive situations, and how much hope I gained from hearing an encouraging word from someone who understood or someone who could speak into my experience.

Yet sharing stories and speaking into hard topics also means being open to receiving criticism or hearing discouragement from people who don’t understand or who don’t want certain topics spoken about. Vulnerability can often lead to conflict as well as community.

In the past few years, I’ve been working to be less afraid of conflict and braver about speaking up in uncomfortable situations. Conflict can be good when it causes us to grow and be more understanding of others. Still, it is challenging to put ourselves in these vulnerable spaces and conversations.

But I believe speaking up for others is one of the most fulfilling and empowering practices we can incorporate into our lives, as we learn more about how to use our voices for good.

Why to Speak Up

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.” (Proverbs 31:8-9 NLT)

The more I learn about Jesus and how he lived, the more I realize that speaking up for others is vital to the Christian faith. Helping the vulnerable is part of our calling, and using our voices in defense of the hurting is an important way we can express our faith.

Not everyone feels called to be an activist, and that’s okay. We all have different skills and callings and opportunities. But each of us will face certain times when speaking up is the right thing to do in our situation. You might witness harassment at your workplace or a friend might share with you about something they’re going through where they need help. You might have a neighbor facing discrimination or a family member suffering from abuse. These are times when you can speak up to help others, using wisdom to discern how and when speaking up will be most helpful.

How to Speak Up

“Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ.” (Ephesians 4:15 NLT)

We might not always know how to speak up, but above all, we need to speak up in love. This doesn’t mean enabling or sugar-coating. It doesn’t mean being nice and polite. It does mean keeping in mind why you are saying something and who it will impact. It means using words infused with grace and compassion. It means considering others first and lifting up marginalized voices.

We’ve all witnessed or even participated in online debates that have quickly devolved into harsh word wars with name-calling and lines drawn in the sand. I think social media can be a useful forum for discussions, but when love and grace are missing from the conversation, the usefulness disappears, and the debaters retreat to their own opinions without considering other perspectives.

The key to speaking up for others in this type of setting is to avoid shaming the other person in an attempt to win them over. I agree with Brené Brown that shaming is not a useful tool in speaking up about injustice. If we really want to create positive change with our voices, we need to seek relationship and connection with the person or audience we are speaking to. Putting down someone else never helps our cause. We can be firm in our values, strong in speaking up for others, and still fill our words with grace and kindness, empathy and vulnerability.

When to Speak Up

Because speaking up is so personal—taking much energy and focus—it can also be exhausting. That’s why it’s important to pick your battles as well as take time for self-care in order to maintain that energy. One person can’t bear the weight of the world—that’s God’s job.

Find time alone to contemplate when you might speak up for others, and listen to the Spirit’s leading when you feel the pull to speak. If you ask God to open your heart in this way, then you will see the opportunities when they arise.

Learn about ways you can speak up in helpful ways by doing research. For example, speaking up for others in issues such as racism or abuse requires education on best practices in order for our words to produce good and not harm. Wisdom and discernment is key in learning when to speak up.

If you feel like your emotions could get the better of you, you might need to give yourself some time and space to consider how best to speak up. I’ve learned that waiting a full day before I respond to something that might cause conflict can give me the calm and perspective I need to keep my goals straight when speaking up for others.

Speaking up, whether it’s about something like abuse or racism or discrimination, is hard work. It’s challenging and it takes vulnerability, but it’s worth it. When we use our voices to speak up for others and speak out against injustice, we bring light in the darkness, push the shadows away, and help those who have been disempowered.

Cait West is a writer, reader, and publishing professional who lives with her husband in Grand Rapids, Michigan. After leaving the stay-at-home-daughter movement, she started over by studying creative writing at Michigan State University, working in education and literacy, and eventually finding her way to an editorial position in book publishing. Find her at caitwest.com and on Instagram and Twitter at @caitwestwrites.

Photograph © Volodymyr Hryshchenko, used with permission