Welcoming Your Daughter into Womanhood

You welcomed her into this world with parties and presents. You held her close and gave her everything she needed. Now she’s approaching adolescence, and it’s time to do it again, dear mama. You are the one who has the privilege of welcoming your daughter into womanhood. It’s time to hold her close once again and give her everything she needs.

But first, let me ask you, how was your journey from childhood into adolescence?

If your experience was not great, you are not alone. Over 80 percent of the women I interviewed for Preparing Your Daughter for Womanhood said they were not prepared, not well-informed, and felt embarrassed about the changes that were happening to their bodies. Most of them said they never went to their mother with questions.

That’s how it was for me.

I was ten when I started my period, and I had no idea what was happening. I thought I was dying. I finally told my mother I was bleeding, and her response was, “Don’t you know what that is?”

I felt an immediate sense of shame. She sent me to my room, handed me a booklet and some supplies, and murmured something about “the curse of womanhood.”

That memorable afternoon established a pattern of isolation in our relationship that continued into my teen years and lasted far into my adult years. I didn’t think I could go to my mom with questions. I believed she expected me to figure things out on my own. I didn’t feel she wanted to be part of my life in a personal way.

It took a long time before I started believing the truth in Romans 8:1, where we’re assured that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. As that powerful truth settled on me, I began saying to myself, “Shame off you. Grace on you.” Once I truly received that gift of grace from God, I could extend the same to my mom. The many years of stifled communication were a great loss. But when you believe that with God, everything is redeemable, you can start fresh right where you are.

You can also change the trajectory of communication for the next generation of women in your family.

When my daughter was nine, I wanted her experience to be completely different than mine, so I planned a party. I put an invitation on her pillow the night before, and while she was at school, I went to the bakery and set up a tea party for us in the living room. I filled a gift bag with a few girly things she loved, such as body spray and watermelon-flavored lip balm. I included a small, pink box of pantiliners.

She came downstairs with a big smile and asked, “Why are we having a party?”

I told her I wanted to celebrate her, and that as her mother and as a woman, I wanted to be the first to welcome her into womanhood. She beamed.

We stirred lots of cream and sugar into our tea, ate the fancy cake, and settled into a comfortable conversation about the way God created a woman’s body so that it would be prepared each month to cradle and nurture new life.

She was amazed. Not a hint of shame or fear floated into our time together. It was lovely and sacred. I read Psalm 139 and repeated to my daughter that she was wonderfully made.

She opened the gift bag and had lots of questions. We took our time. I answered her specific questions but was careful not to overload her with information. I could see that we weren’t just having “the talk.” We were starting the conversation.

My daughter and I ended our party by praying together. In her sweet little voice, she said, “Thank you, Father God, for making me a woman. Thank you that I get to have periods.”

I froze. Get to have periods?

It was something I had never thanked God for. I’d never viewed those monthly days of discomfort as a gift to be grateful for. That is, until that moment when my daughter led me in being the first to say thank you. She was the miracle of life, the mystery of a living, breathing human soul that God had allowed to grow inside me. Her life would not have happened without all those years of cycles. My whispered prayer of gratitude followed hers, through tears.

That memorable afternoon drew both of us closer to God and to each other. It established a beautiful pattern for our relationship. I see now that we were building a bridge between childhood and adolescence and on to adulthood. Both of us could use that bridge to go to each other in the years ahead. We nurtured our close communication during her teen years and way beyond.

For generations, our culture has kept silent about the moment a young girl’s body begins the cyclical rhythm God created it to do. Moms have felt inadequate to talk about the details, let alone create a sacred fuss over their daughters’ journey into puberty. They have relinquished the opportunity to be the truth-tellers in their daughters’ lives and relegated the responsibility to other sources, which might be able to provide adequate information—but where is the celebration?

What if you rejected the familiar pattern of avoidance and, as her mom, took the time to elevate this season of change in your daughters’ life?

It doesn’t matter how you came to be the “mom” in her life. It could be through birth, marriage, adoption, a mentoring relationship, or as her grandma, aunt, or older sister. What matters is that she looks to you, and you have it within your power to be intentional about welcoming your daughter into womanhood.

Robin Jones Gunn is the bestselling author of over 100 books, including Preparing Your Daughter for Womanhood: A Guide for Moms. The characters from her timeless Christy Miller Series continue in the Haven Makers Series. Her Father Christmas novels have been made into three Hallmark movies. Robin and her husband live in Hawaii and have a grown son and daughter who are both married.