The Comparison Game

Even as an adult, I’ve comfortably maintained a deep respect for authority. While others may break the rules and ask for forgiveness later, I generally prefer to review the rulebook and stay within the boundaries.

However, this only works when you have a fair and reasonable rulebook, and as adults, we have the right to say no more than we may realize.

Early in my marriage, we moved to a new town far from family. I found myself the recipient of a good amount of unsolicited advice on everything from whether my interracial marriage was biblical to what my role as a football coach’s wife should entail.

Rather than consider whether something was a reasonable expectation, I just wanted to feel safe in my new setting, so if that meant taking a job I disliked and working around people who minimized my abilities rather than finding a job that was affirming, well, I was going to figure out a way to convince myself it was all part of God’s plan for me to attempt to keep others happy and avoid further criticism.

I wasted years trying to convince myself I needed to settle for other people’s ideas of how I should serve God rather than asking God how he wanted me to partner with him. Once I finally silenced everyone else’s voices and focused on serving only God, I began to thrive in the sweet spot of my calling.

When you thrive in your sweet spot, you will live out your calling without stifling your gifts and strengths in an attempt to please people over God. That said, we all face roadblocks and stumble over society’s definitions of value at times when we would be better employed in seeking to understand God’s design for our lives.

Many times it’s the instinct to compare that hinders our ability to see the flaws in another’s expectations. We assume that because someone is assigned a certain title, they must know what they are talking about, and we forget we don’t need them to interpret our relationship with God for us. Rather, all we need to do is pray directly to our Creator.

Here are five lessons I’ve learned about comparison:

1.Your neighbor’s calling isn’t necessarily for you, even if you would do a great job. When you look at your life compared to what others are doing, it’s easy to think, Look at her. I can do that too! And the truth is, you probably can, but that’s not the point. There are things you can do well, and then there is God’s best for you. You will burn out and look to move on if you compare and compromise.

2. A dream without God’s presence isn’t worth pursuing. One year in Bible Study Fellowship, we studied the lives of Solomon and David in the Old Testament. As you can imagine, this included reading about many different battles and opportunities for alliances. One thing stood out to me. David always asked God if he should go to battle before doing so. First Samuel 23:4 says, for example, “Once again David inquired of the Lord, and the Lord answered him, “Go down to Keilah, for I am going to give the Philistines into your hand.”

We can contrast this with times David didn’t pause to inquire what he should do, such as when he slept with Bathsheba or sent his soldiers to war, which consequently led to Uriah’s death and David and Bathsheba becoming free to marry. It’s vital to make sure God is with us.

3. Our calling rarely works out the way we expect. John the Baptist knew his calling, but even he had his moment of doubt when Jesus began his ministry. In Matthew 11, we see his question and Jesus’s response.

Now when John heard in prison about the deeds of the Christ, he sent word by his disciples and said to him, “Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?”

“This is he of whom it is written, Behold, I send my messenger before your face, who will prepare your way before you. Truly, I say to you, among those born of women there has arisen no one greater than John the Baptist. Yet the one who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.” (Matt. 11:2-3, 10-11 ESV)

When John needed assurance that Jesus was the Messiah, Jesus confirmed not only that he was the Messiah but also that John had fulfilled his calling.

4. Sometimes our dreams won’t make sense to anyone around us, but that doesn’t mean we are on the wrong path. Think about Joseph’s dream about his brothers bowing down to him in Genesis 37:1-11. The fulfillment of that dream took years; however, it happened for an important reason.

5.God has a specific calling for everyone. Here’s the truth. Before you were born, God had a plan for your life and a desire to partner with you to see you succeed in fulfilling your calling. Consider the words of the prophet in Jeremiah 1:4-9:

Now the word of the Lord came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” Then I said, “Ah, Lord God! Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth.” But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, I am only a youth; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, declares the Lord.” Then the Lord put out his hand and touched my mouth. And the Lord said to me, “Behold, I have put my words in your mouth.” (ESV)

My prayer is that your journey to understand your calling doesn’t send you in circles as mine has. By doing the work to look at your gifts and talents, coupled with your natural leanings, you may save yourself some headaches and tears. I pray you’ll remember that nothing is easy when you’re serving people, so perfection isn’t the goal.

I know that with my personality and learning style, the journey I’m on is likely the only one through which God could gain my attention and grab ahold of my heart in all the necessary ways to help me wrestle with new challenges. Knowing each milestone is a building block that helps me look forward rather than wonder what could have been. I’ve learned not to dwell on the past.

I’m thankful we serve a God of second chances who has lovingly walked with me as I’ve grown in my understanding of my calling and figured out how to stay in my sweet spot. Living on mission isn’t always easy, but it is always God’s best.

This is an excerpt adapted from Beth’s recently released book Lessons from the Sidelines.

Beth Walker is a football coach’s wife and mom of two energetic boys. She strives to encourage those around her to pursue their best lives in Jesus whether she is near the game field, in church, or at the local coffee shop. As a writer, Beth has been striving to find her voice through seeing Jesus in the ordinary and extraordinary of daily life. She blogs at Lessons from the Sidelines.

Photograph © Hian Oliveira, used with permission