What Death Becomes

When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: “Death is swallowed up in victory.” “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” (1 Cor. 15:54-55 ESV)

I have reluctantly become a bit of an expert on the human dying process over the last decade. I suppose you could call me the “grief girl” if you like.

I lost my mother to early-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2013. I lost my stepmother to colon cancer in 2014. I lost my maternal grandfather  to vascular dementia in 2016. And I lost my maternal grandmother to vascular dementia in February of this year. All four loved ones spent their final days (or years) in hospice care, dying in slow motion.

I have watched a loved one’s body shut down as their organs begin to fail more than once. I have watched their brain stop telling their body how to swallow more than once. I have watched their brain stop sending hunger and thirst signals to their body as it atrophies more than once. I have watched dehydration set in and their kidneys fail more than once. I have watched their heart rate and temperature increase more than once. I have watched their oxygen saturation levels decline more than once. And I have heard their throat produce the “death rattle” more than once.

I walked in moments after my mother took her last breath seven years ago, and I sat beside my grandmother, holding her hand and watching her take her last breath, a few months ago. I have planned three funerals, written three obituaries, and, most recently, written and delivered one eulogy.

For a while, I felt like death was winning the battle. I constantly felt the weight of my own helplessness and defeat. I feared death’s looming finality. I feared its power to seek and destroy life all around me. The trauma inflicted by watching a loved one die never fully goes away, but death itself no longer bothers me as it did before.

These days, death has become a normal and expected part of life for me. It is the horrible suffering preceding a loved one’s death that I still struggle to handle. When prolonged mental or physical pain is involved, death becomes a welcome relief, even though it is a terrible heartache for those of us who are left behind. After watching cancer or dementia or depression ravage a loved one’s body and mind for weeks or months or years, death becomes a beautiful blessing.

Death becomes a new beginning instead of an ending. Death becomes Christ’s victory instead of my defeat.

A “goodbye” becomes a “see you later” when heaven is involved. The earthly absence of a loved one will forever hurt, of course, but knowing that they are no longer in pain is a wonderful feeling. My powerlessness in these situations of profound loss is now overshadowed by my confidence that Jesus has already conquered death. He continues to provide me with peace and joy and, most importantly, fills me with courage, in spite of my fear. Knowing that he is the victor drives me forward even when it feels like everyone around me is dying. I may be helpless in the face of death, but Jesus is not.

His victory over death is mine, and it’s yours, too.

Father, thank you for conquering death and sin. Thank you for delivering humanity from our temporary, earthly pain into your perfect, eternal life. Thank you for comforting those of us who remain here on earth as our loved ones leave before us. Please give us courage to face suffering and death, and strengthen our confidence in your victory. Amen.

Scripture for Reflection

“Nevertheless, I am continually with you;

you hold my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,

and afterward you will receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:23-26 ESV)

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16 ESV)

Reach for More

Do you experience fear when you think about your own death or the death of your loved ones? Ask God to give you confidence and hope in his victory. Every time you feel afraid, remember and meditate on the knowledge that Jesus has already conquered death. Pray for courage to keep moving forward. Pray for his peace and comfort to surround you always.

Lauren Flake is a wife, mom to two girls, watercolor artist, seventh-generation Texan, and early-onset Alzheimer’s daughter. She is the author and co-illustrator of two award-winning children’s books for grieving preschoolers, Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go? and Where Did My Sweet Grandpa Go?, and the editor of Love of Dixie magazine. She loves green tea, dark chocolate, and collecting all things turquoise.

Photograph © Sharon McCutcheon, used with permission