Living With(out) Regret
I have occasionally heard people say that they don’t regret anything in their lives; that they wouldn’t be the people they are today without all the choices they’ve made and circumstances they’ve endured. But while I believe it’s true that I wouldn’t be who I am without my past, I also cannot bring myself to say that I have no regrets.
For me, regret is synonymous with the recognition that God always has something better for me. When I look back on my past sins, I look back with the understanding that God way would have been the best way; I just didn’t know it or take heed of it at the time. Regret happens less now that I recognize God’s hand in my life and now that I understand that I feel peace when what I am choosing lines up with his Word.
Ultimately, though, regret comes less because I have salvation through Jesus Christ and his death on the cross. I don’t want to live a life that cheapens that sacrifice or takes it for granted anymore, which leads me to seek more fully God’s will for my life.
I know I don’t have to continually dwell on my regrets—I have freedom from that in Christ—but the fact remains that there are things I wish I had not done and things I wish I could change. I am okay with this. It means I am alive. However, now that I know Jesus as my Savior, I also know that I want to live a life that reflects his character and love. Most of my regrets don’t do that. They are in the category of things that Jesus would not have done.
Proverbs 4: 3-9 tell us to get wisdom and understanding and we will live a life we will not regret. Chapter 5, verses 7-14 says, “You don’t want to squander your wonderful life, to waste your precious life among the hardhearted. Why should you allow strangers to take advantage of you? Why be exploited by those who care nothing for you? You don’t want to end your life full of regrets, nothing but sin and bones, saying, “Oh, why didn’t I do what they told me? Why did I reject a disciplined life? Why didn’t I listen to my mentors, or take my teachers seriously? My life is ruined! I haven’t one blessed thing to show for my life!” (MSG)
These words make me want to have a long heart-to-heart with my children because we need to hear these kinds of things from the people who love us most. Wisdom and understanding have to come from somewhere (and as their mama, I believe the starting place is with me and their daddy). Otherwise, we end up looking for love and acceptance from people rather than from God. I am pretty sure most of my regrets began there.
On a slightly different note, I love how God tells us here that we do not need to waste time with people who are hardhearted, who don’t care or cannot see the real love of Jesus, which could change their lives for the better. Spending time with such people for too long only serves to harden our own hearts. We do not give out the love of Jesus very well in such circumstances. Those relationships can also set us on a path toward thinking we are unworthy of love, because hardhearted people do not show love well. We are created in the image of God, and that alone tells me we are worthy. We might not experience regret about feeling like that about ourselves, but we should because God loves us and wants us to have abundant life through Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Luke 6:35-36 says, “I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind.” (MSG)
We will never regret being kind, even to the extent of loving our enemies. Some of the regrets I still think about have to do with times when I was a mean girl. Faces of people who did not feel the love of Jesus from me flash through my mind (granted, some of that was before I knew Jesus personally, but still). I wish I could take those moments back. I wish I would have been kind. Maybe God is using these memories to remind me to be my kindest self now, but that doesn’t erase them, and thus, I feel regret.
First John 5:3 says, “In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome” (NIV). I think the reason John says the commands of God are not burdensome is not because they don’t feel like hard work in the moment, but because the end result is decisions we do not have to regret, decisions that will not lead to a burden we have to carry forever.
The Bible tells us how we can live without regret:
- Seek those who are chasing after God, so we can have good counsel and teaching.
- Be obedient to God and his Word by loving like Jesus.
These things are wise. These things are good. These things we cannot regret.
enjoys a crazy, beautiful life with her military husband, four sons, and a daughter. A baby interrupts her homeschool days in the best ways, and she is always attempting to live with mindfulness of each moment. She hopes to look at the world and each person in it in light of our amazing Creator, and therefore, to see each moment presented as an opportunity to love and serve him more. Carla relishes time to ponder God’s Word and have quiet moments with him and her coffee. She loves doing life with other mamas and encouraging them to simply be who God has made them to be.
Photograph © Suhyeon Choi, used with permission
