The Power of Confession

He wasn’t ready for it, my sweet husband. We’d just had a check-in with our counselor the day before, and all seemed well. All was well, really. I hadn’t knowingly concealed anything, but crashing in. The weight of weeks and months of comparison and feeling inadequate had literally brought me to my knees on the bathroom floor. Two hours of tears later, he found me in our bed, eyes puffy and still leaking tears, surrounded by tissues. Through sobs, I choked out how I’d been battling comparison and insecurity.

Through the tears and hugs that followed, I realized I needed something more than an encouraging word or a hug. Just days before, I’d listened to Jennie Allen’s talk from IF: Lead on Romans 8. She talked about a lack of acknowledgment of sin in church culture and leadership and a general loss of the art of confession. I took some inventory and could remember just a handful of times anyone I knew or admired in church leadership had openly acknowledged and confessed sin.

We have a tendency in Church World to attach ourselves to buzz words like vulnerability and transparency without ever truly being honest with each other. In our well-intentioned attempts to support and encourage one another, we throw around platitudes from self-help books about how we are all “enough.” We remind each other how we are capable, brave, beautiful, and strong. And yet, the cycle continues. Most of the women I know, women who love Jesus deeply and who are successful in all external measures, still find themselves caught in a cycle of loneliness and insecurity.

The Power of Confession

Maybe the reality is that we are not “enough.” We were never designed to be enough. We are deeply inadequate but also deeply loved. And the paradox is that we never had to be enough. The message of Jesus isn’t that we hustle for our worthiness; it is that we surrender.

We fall into the knowledge of our weakness, and we offer it to Jesus. Then, as people who are deeply loved, we admit it to one another. We find the rest that comes with the power of confession, accountability, and repentance. We don’t glaze over our sins as weaknesses or struggles; we call them out. We name them, and we drag them into the light. We steal the power of their darkness when we put our truest selves in the spotlight and refuse to hide.

That night, I confessed to my husband. I didn’t find myself wanting condolences or kind words, though they were certainly offered. I found myself wanting to fight, wanting freedom. A few days later, I was driving when it hit me: You need to tell her.

At first, I was sure this wasn’t necessary. After all, I’d confessed to Jesus and to my husband. That was enough, right? But I couldn’t shake the persistent push to speak the lies and sin of comparison out loud to the very person with whom I’d been internally comparing myself. I pulled into her driveway and called her, telling her I couldn’t even make it to the door through my sobs. She came out to the car, and we drove to Chipotle. During that car ride, I said all of the things I’d been holding back. I shared, as Jennie Allen calls it, “the last two percent.” I shined a light on what Satan would have loved to use to tear us down individually and collectively as we serve in ministry together. That is the power of confession.

That girl I was comparing myself to? We are friends. In fact, I consider her friendship one of the greatest gifts of our ministry. This is exactly why Satan would love nothing more than for us to be competitors rather than cheerleaders. That confession and repentance lifted a weight and brought more freedom than any of the encouraging quotes or venting sessions I’ve tried in the past. Simply voicing my sin aloud to another person stole its power.

Jesus knew this was the key to our freedom. In fact, he promises us mercy and healing when we tap into the power of confession.

“Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” (Prov. 28:13 ESV)

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” (James 5:16 ESV)

Comparison, insecurity, fear—it’s all a direct correlation to our misplaced focus. Let’s call it what it is: sin. Let’s name it, and let’s get in the fight. The first step is confession. Name it for real to Jesus, and then to the people in your life who need to know. Drag it kicking and screaming into the light.

Hannah Pannell is a sassy, Southern coffee lover who spends most of her days with a classroom full of little people. Hannah loves serving in the local church where her husband is an associate minister. She is passionate about gathering her people around the table over good food and even better conversation. Hannah blogs at thissweetlybrokenlife.com.