Rising Again
I recently succumbed to the flu, and for several days, all I could do was stay horizontal on my couch or bed while the aches, fever, and general dis-ease ran its course through my body. Any time I become that sick, I inevitably reach the point of wondering if I will ever feel normal, right, and good again. As much as I enjoyed binge-watching Call the Midwife, I longed to return to health and normalcy.
Have you ever reached a point, emotionally or spiritually, where, like me with the flu, you wondered if you would recover?
In 2017, our family of five relocated, lost substantial income, gained an embarrassing amount of debt, and otherwise felt like we’d failed. I spiraled into depression, and writing literally saved me. It’s always been my outlet, but in a season where I could not see a way out, it became my lifeline.
Slowly, with the help of therapy, medication, spiritual community, and writing, I began to return to life. In my mind’s meditations, in sermons I heard, in conversations I had, and in the things I wrote during that season, the word resurrection kept surfacing. But I struggled to understand how a past and promised future event impacted my now.
Jesus’ past resurrection and our coming one brings joy and hope to the Christian life. Like the Hillsong lyrics beautifully capture, “It is written/Christ is risen/Jesus You are Lord of All.” The ancient prophets prophesied his coming life, death, and resurrection. The New Testament writers recorded for all of history Jesus’ actual coming, crucifixion, and resurrection. So yes, it is written! And he is risen! Hallelujah!
The power of Jesus’ words to Martha after her brother Lazarus’s death helped me understand how even in the present, his resurrection matters: “I am the resurrection and the life,” he says (John 11:25 NIV). Or, as The Message translation makes even clearer: “I am, right now, Resurrection and Life.” Resurrection is as much about today as it is about his final coming and raising of the dead.
As The Expositor’s Greek Testament reminds us, “Resurrection and life are not future only, but present in His person; [Martha] is to trust not in a vague remote event but in His living person whom she knew, loved, and trusted. Apart from Him there was neither resurrection nor life.”
As resurrection infiltrated deeper into my core, I came across a beautiful pencil sketch of a phoenix, a symbol of life after death (one actually adopted by early Christians) and beauty from ashes. I was drawn to this bird that embodied the story unfolding in my life. So drawn to it, in fact, that I tattooed it on my forearm.
Stretching from the left tippy-top corner of my right wrist to the inner crease of my right elbow is a gloriously in-flight phoenix perched atop the word “written.” Every time I look at my tattoo, I am reminded of the assurance and reality of Jesus’ resurrection and the life it brings for us now and in the future. I am also reminded how things I’ve written have been my own resurrection in this life. I don’t equate my own writing with the God-breathed words of Scripture or the power of Christ. But as I processed and wrote and shared, his spirit brought me back to life, back to a place where he reigns over death. I am, with each glimpse of my phoenix, reminded that with my right hand, I have written my way through depression and grief, and from it, rising again out of ashes and into beauty by the power and grace of God.
In less than 800 words, I’ve described four intense, long, difficult years. I’ve tidily summed up how God resurrected me from despair. But if you could have witnessed the daily in and out of this journey, you’d know that it was anything but neat, tidy, and linear. In fact, excruciating might be more accurate. There were days I was not sure I would be whole again. As Sarah Lundgren writes, “Resurrection isn’t easy, but it is a glorious gift we must embrace if we want to become all God created us to be.”
There were times, to be sure, when giving in to the despair and darkness felt far easier than rising up to life and wholeness. But in moments of clarity, I knew my spirit longed for the power of Jesus’ resurrection and life. The same power that resurrected Jesus brings life to us even now: “This life and the life to come are not two, but one and the same. Death is not the ending of one, and the resurrection the beginning of another, but through all there runs one imperishable life” (H.E. Manning, Sermons).
is a writer and teacher who lives with her family in South Carolina. When she’s not pondering words, she enjoys hiking, learning about natural health, and drinking the perfect latte. Allison loves to connect with others about family, special needs parenting, mental health, grief, and faith. Her writing has been featured on The Mighty and Her View from Home, and you can find more of it on her blog Writing Is Cheaper Than Therapy.
Photograph © Allison Byxbe, used with permission
