How to Banish Your Mom Guilt

“You’re in my spot!”

The blonde-pig-tailed girl hip-bumped the sandy-haired boy, her hands stretched out on the display glass encasing the light saber models from the various Star Wars films.

“I was here first.”

The mom reached over, grabbed the little guy’s arm, and moved him in front of her in line, then reached back for her daughter, speaking in that firm, under-the-breath tone that always means business.

I didn’t think the kids were being too crazy, or too loud, but I took a second to commiserate with the mom. I remember the days when my own boys’ constant nitpicking and bickering built up to the point where a simple, “He’s in my spot” was the final straw.

My friends and I moved a few places forward in the line to get a selfie with Chewbacca, and that’s when I saw them.

Two brown-haired brothers, around the ages of four and six.

My boys are two years apart, and even though we’ve entered the teen years with our oldest, there was something familiar about these two little guys that made my heart puddle. The littlest one clutched his lovey and sucked his thumb, just like my Jedidiah. Without warning, the older one laughed and grabbed his little brother’s head with both hands, teasing him, and all I could think was, “That’s just like my Jeremy.”

Then it happened.

The littlest boy looked up at his older brother after their mom shook her finger at them, and for a second, I saw both of their faces: that little boy with the biggest, brownest puppy dog eyes and dimpled cheeks smiling up at his brother, the older boy with the hazel eyes and mischievous grin.

I flashed back to such moments with my own kids, and instantly wished I could be back there with them, in that time, when they were four and six. I thought about the things I would do differently. I’d let them play in line with each other. I wouldn’t get angry if they weren’t always well-behaved and standing still.

The mom guilt I wear like a favorite necklace became heavy, crushing my heart, and a tear slipped down my cheek.

My best friend touched my arm, and I whispered, “I’m looking at my kids.”

I can’t get back those moments with my boys, to experience life through their innocent eyes.

I spent so much time trying to be the perfect parent, raising perfect kids, that I missed the memo that I needed to just enjoy them.

But work was important. I was trying to find my purpose and not lose my own identity as I took on the roles of wife and mom—and every other self-centered stereotype associated with my twenties.

Right there in that Chewbacca selfie line that seemed to be barely moving, I pulled myself together and asked God for strength so I wouldn’t lose it.

Here’s what he impressed on my heart: “It’s not too late.”

It. Is. Not. Too. Late.

Second Corinthians 12:9 says, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Heaven knows being a mom makes you feel like you’re on a rollercoaster. Some days we feel like the mom of the year, and some days we feel like we’re failing. Yet the truth is, our weakness is made strong through Jesus Christ.

We have to banish mom guilt once and for all.

At the end of the day, we have to ask ourselves, Are my kids safe? Are they fed? Do they know they are loved? Am I doing my best to make sure they’re taken care of?

The answers to all these questions might be yes, and yet we can still feel that mom guilt return unexpectedly and catch us off-guard.

The best way I know to combat mom guilt is to practice the biblical direction to confess to each other. It’s a simple solution but difficult to actually execute.

Scripture says, “Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective,” (James 5:16).

During a meeting three months prior to the Disney trip, I broke down and confessed to my three closest friends and business partners how heavy with guilt I felt about the amount of time I’d taken away from my kids to write books, start businesses, and travel. That I knew I was doing what God called me to do—and I was seeing his direction and purpose—but I was failing at staying balanced with my family.

That confession broke down walls I didn’t know had been built. My friends affirmed me, prayed with me, and now have permission to speak into my life and tell me when I’m doing too much or pushing too hard.

It was a game-changer.

Mom guilt is triggered in all of us for different reasons, but giving voice to those reasons and saying them out loud to people you love and trust breaks the chains guilt has placed on your heart. The prayers of the righteous are powerful and effective—and as moms, the hardest most rewarding job we have is raising the blessings God gave us. We need all the powerful and effective prayers we can get.

My sweet friends, when mom guilt appears, as it will continue to do, find someone you love and trust—someone who is a safe place—and let God heal those broken parts. They’re not too shattered for him to fix, because it’s not too late.

Bethany Jett is a multiple award-winning author and ghostwriter who finds joy speaking across the country. She is a military wife, momma-of-boys, and suspense-novel junkie who describes herself as “mid-maintenance” and loves cute shoes and all things girly. Her latest book, They Call Me Mom, cowritten with her best friend, is now available. As a special bonus, you can grab 52 weeks of mom resources over at TheyCallMeMomBook.com.

Photograph © Jessica Rockowitz, used with permission