Seasons of Letting Go

Letting your babies go is so hard. I’m sure you can recall all the details of the day when each one of your kids headed out into this great big world for the first time, with probably with their hero-of-the-moment adorning their backpack and matching lunch box as they kissed you goodbye with both fear and excitement, then left the safety of home to start the next journey. For most of us, that journey is called school. For some, that “first day” might be a homeschool co-op, summer camp, sports practice, or dance class. Everyone has a first day of letting go and watching their baby walk away at some point.

I remember the day leading up to my oldest daughter’s first day of kindergarten. This was before we began our crazy and wild homeschool journey. I was pregnant with baby number three and on an emotional rollercoaster. I think I cried the entire week before the first day of school.

My husband, being the only stable parent at the time, had to take her to orientation and meet her teacher the day before without me. I just couldn’t get myself together. I didn’t want to make her feel bad or take her excitement away. This was a big moment in her life. It needed to be about her and not me. So the two of them, my husband and my daughter, left together with great big smiles on their faces. I desperately tried to hold back my tears, but the minute they walked out the front door, they came rushing down my face.

Here I am again. But this time, it’s not kindergarten, though I wish it was.  Thirteen years later, our family of six is preparing to drop off our firstborn at college next week. I’m doing my best to keep myself together for her and the rest of the family.

This transition is not hard only for moms. Letting go is difficult for the child leaving; the siblings, who now have to get used to a new norm without big brother or sister; and a dad who has spent his life sacrificing for, caring for, and loving his kids, too. After my morning walk today, I lost it. I could feel myself getting aggravated and irritable with my husband, which is always a sign that there is something bothering me. As soon as he left for work, I lay on my bed and sobbed. When kids start to leave, the family dynamics begin to change, and it’s a hard adjustment for everyone.

Friend, it’s OK to not be OK. I am someone who (well, the majority of the time) is always looking for the positive, forward-thinking, and trying to learn whatever I can from the situations in which I find myself.

But there are days when you have to take the time to feel and be real with your emotions about another season coming to an end.

If you have a son or daughter who is getting ready to move on and start his or her life without you, it’s OK to not be OK for just a little bit. Be kind to yourself.

For crying out loud, mothering that child was your life for the past eighteen years. To think of a life different from that is not easy. There is nothing I’m going to share with you that you don’t know. You already know the next season will be just as good, if not even better. It’s just going to be different. Different is not bad. But it can still be hard.

So for a moment, you don’t need to think about the next chapter. You already know God has a purpose for you outside of being that child’s mom. At the same time, it might feel like motherhood is the only callingthat has really mattered. All the other accomplishments have been incredible, but being a mom? There is nothing that compares to it. Yes, of course you will always be a mom, but again, it will be  different. You already know this is what you have been preparing your kids for. You already know this has to happen.

You have permission to grieve the life that has made you the woman you are today. For a moment, it doesn’t have to be about your kids or your husband. It can be about you. God loves you and cares about your feelings. God can handle all of you. So allow yourself to feel all the feels.

You get to be both excited and emotional. You get to thank God for the grace given to you to raise your kids, and you get to be sad because things are changing. In order to fully step into the next season, I believe you have to take time to celebrate what you are taking with you and grieve what you are leaving behind.

Kim Watt is a wife, mom to four, home educator, midlife success coach, speaker, writer, and follower of Jesus. Her focus is helping women forty and over regain the confidence to pursue their God-given passions. When Kim is not inspiring women, you’ll find her spending her time doing what she loves most, which is hanging out with her family and enjoying the simple things in life, like mini-road trips to the beach, drinking coffee, laughing with friends, reading great books, and being home with her husband and kids. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter or at kimwatspeaks.com.

Photograph © Artem Maltsev, used with permission