Healthy Holiday Boundaries
The holiday season is quickly approaching and, unfortunately, opportunities to fall into the traps of need-to, should-do, must-have, and must-do come with it. Trying to keep up with everything we think we should do during the holiday season just leads to stress and steals the joy of the holidays.
While we may not be able to cull everything from our holiday lists—hello, adult responsibilities—we should take the time to establish healthy boundaries for ourselves and others.
You Do You
First, we should stop comparing ourselves to other people. We’re all unique individuals, and we should embrace that. Your friend may love to create a Christmas craft every day. Good for her! Frankly, this idea makes me cringe because crafting throughout December would not be joyful for me. Good for me! I’ll celebrate December a different way.
Do what fulfills you and your family. Does following traditions mean the world to you and yours? Then keep them! Don’t let what others do or say steal your holiday joy. This is a healthy holiday boundary.
Manage Your Expectations
Second, we should not let our expectations get out of hand. If you’re like me, you might let yourself get carried away with images of a perfect Hallmark-worthy Christmas. Most likely, that dream isn’t going to happen—at least not without a lot of stress and maybe a meltdown or two. We need to frame our Christmas dreams with reasonable expectations. Establish a boundary with yourself that you will do only what you’re truly capable of within this particular season.
While it can be difficult, it’s important to establish boundaries with others, especially during the holiday season. It’s important to show respect for others’ feelings and schedules. However, showing respect doesn’t mean we allow others to run rampant all over our feelings and schedules in the name of the holidays. Have open and honest conversations, politely sharing your family’s boundaries for the season.
Focus on the True Meaning
The easiest way to achieve holiday boundaries is to focus on the true meaning of these special times. Both Thanksgiving and Christmas are about being thankful for blessings and for the ultimate gift of Jesus.
“Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Colossians 3:17 NIV).
Make a concentrated effort to count your blessings this Thanksgiving. Find something to be grateful for during the holidays. Many people like to journal about or post something about what they’re thankful for each day. Making gratitude a daily habit is a wonderful way to celebrate the holiday season, and it may be the beginning of a great new habit in the new year!
“God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him” (John 3:16–17 NIV).
I love Christmas traditions. The decorations, the food, and the cheesy movies are some of my favorite things about the holidays. However, even these good things can take away from the true meaning of Christmas and cause stress if I let them. I have to make sure they don’t become the central focus of my Christmas. I highly recommend reading a Christmas devotional book during the month of December. Just taking a few minutes to center your day around Jesus and Bible verses that share the Christmas story, especially as you sit in the glow of the Christmas tree, is a special way to spend December.
“I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior” (Habakkuk 3:18 NIV).
When we center our focus on Jesus and thankfulness, most of our stress melts away. Ironically, the best way to achieve the holiday you desire is to shift your focus outside of yourself. By focusing on the true meaning of the holidays, we will easily be able to filter out the extraneous filler that can clutter the days of November and December.
is a writer, blogger, and middle school teacher. She and her husband live in Georgia with their three children. In addition to teaching and writing, Dana loves to read, paddle board, and sometimes run. She blogs about faith, family, and enjoying the everyday life at danaherndon.com.
Photograph © Aaron Burden, used with permission
