Good Is Not Always Right

As the hustle and bustle of schoolyear activities were beginning to overtake our days, my oldest child approached me and said, “I want to talk about dance.” She then pulled out a pros and cons list she’d created. My daughter has been dancing with this studio since she was in first grade, and now she’s in eighth grade. She has grown up there, and our family has been blessed to be a part of such a wonderful place.

She shared her pros first:

• Christian studio
• They participate in Bible study
• Great group of people there
• Excellent teachers

However, she then proceeded with her con list:

• It takes up too much time

That was it. Her only con was the time commitment.

You see, as my daughter continued to grow and advance in the levels at dance, the time commitment continued to grow as well. What started as a one-hour class one day a week in the first grade had grown to three days a week plus another day for rehearsals, which added up to more than ten hours a week. And that didn’t include all the driving time. This year she would have advanced another level and added another day.

While she loved her studio, she had no desire to dedicate five days a week to it. And although she didn’t want to take dance forever or do it professionally, she loved it and enjoyed dancing for fun.

We made the hard decision to not return to our beloved studio and instead find another studio that better fit our schedule and the time requirements we were willing to commit to.

Similarly, last year, I made the hard decision for the kids and me to stop attending an evening Bible study. We participated in it the year before, and we all enjoyed our time there as well as going through our study questions together during our morning time. However, I could tell our morning time attitudes had changed as we started struggling through the questions. I realized it wasn’t working for us. Studying the Bible the way we were wasn’t producing the attitudes it should. I decided we needed to walk away and stop attending.

When I told my kids about this decision, most were in agreement. However, one of my sons started to cry. He said, “But it’s studying the Bible. Why are we quitting that?” I explained that we were not quitting our own study of the Bible, just the way we were currently doing it.

He had a valid point, though. When we have good things in our lives—right things—it’s hard to see that they may in fact not be right for us.

My husband receives many invitations to attend work-related events and take his family. After a while, going to those events began to feel burdensome. While he does have to attend many of them, every time I ask, “Is this something you/we need to attend?” If it is, I’m fine with that, but pausing to ask that question allows us space to evaluate what is being asked of us.

Often we become a part of a group, a sport, or an activity and then we never pause to evaluate if it is still a good fit for us or right for us in the season we’re in. We become so desensitized to the routine and that “way of life” that we don’t stop to look around and see if there may be another way of participation that’s better for us.

Take a few minutes to look at your commitments and your calendar. Is everything you’re doing right now good for you and your family? Or have you felt a nudge telling you to walk away from something and you’re not sure how to do it?

Are all those extras bringing joy to your life? (I add this because my daughter tried to get out of schoolwork. She said it didn’t bring her joy and, well, bless her heart.)

When I asked another friend, who had recently made the hard decision to walk away from something her family had been a part of for many years, how she felt, she responded, “The word freedom keeps coming to mind!”

I can tell you with all sincerity that it was hard for us to make the decisions we did. However, so much good has been birthed from those decisions. We’ve been able to enjoy Sunday family time with all our kids, going to parks and museums together. The kids and I have had more playdates and field trips, which hadn’t happened in many years because of other time commitments. Our lives feel slower.

Go over your calendar today and evaluate everything on it. Then, before adding anything else, ask yourself a few questions:

• Is this something I/we need to do?
• Is this right for me/us in this season?
• Will this bring joy to my/our life?

Remember, just because something is good doesn’t mean it’s right for you in this season.

Heather Gerwing is a homeschooling mom of four. She is a Jersey girl at heart but now lives in Michigan with her husband Jeff and their kids. Heather enjoys reading, coffee-ing, worshipping and writing. She is passionate about her family and living the full life. You can find her at heathergerwing.com.

Photograph © Eric Rothermel, used with permission