Faith Grows in the Waiting

Standing during worship, breathing out the words of Kristene DiMarco’s song “He’s in the Waiting” as a prayer of peace for my soul, I caught myself contemplating the past few years. I had recently left a position I loved to engage in a life I needed. Years of working a high-stress job had taken a toll. While preparing to leave my job, I constantly fielded the question What are you going to do? I had a few different answers depending on how much explanation I wanted to add, but the truest reason was this: I wanted to rest. It was that simple. My emotional, physical, and spiritual health had all taken hits. From overworking to personal losses, my capacity to focus had diminished in every area of my life.

The transition was almost as hard as the decision to leave. I went from making daily decisions affecting an entire elementary school to answering the age-old question What’s for dinner? My heart was hoping to find peace, but it didn’t come right away. I had plenty to keep me busy over the next two months, and what shouldn’t have been a surprise was that the stress was still pressing in. It didn’t change as much as I had hoped it would. Simply doing nothing wasn’t the answer. I had to pursue more than physical rest. Spiritual, emotional, and mental rest were just as important.

I decided to take a personal retreat. My trip was combined with seeing family and booking three nights at a small retreat center, nestled in a wooded area of a large city. The house had a lovely prayer room, an art area, and comfortable rooms. No one else was using the center at the time, so it was truly just me and Jesus. There in the quiet, I began to discover myself again. In the peaceful place, gentle whispers of my Savior were able to penetrate my soul, and I realized that the healing had begun long before I boarded the plane. As with your immune system when you’re sick, you don’t feel better until it’s kicked off in your system, and even then, it isn’t instant.

Jesus has been here all along. He’s been in my “system” for as long as I can remember. He is my healer. Sometimes I just get too busy trying to chase after him that I forget he is already here. His request of me is simple: he wants me to love him and to love others. Sometimes that looks like service, other times it looks like waiting. Now I see waiting as a gift, not being “sat out.”

It’s taken me longer than one would hope to find the rhythm of grace talked about in Matthew 11:28–30 of The Message. In this passage Jesus speaks of rest: “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

My generation has been taught that working constantly equals worth. but that isn’t true in a biblical sense. In God’s economy, work is not synonymous with faithfulness. When we stand in front of him at the end of our lives, he won’t tally our volunteer hours or even the notches on our belts for each person we told about him. He simply wants us to really know him. He wants us to pursue a relationship with him, and that isn’t defined by our church attendance or hours spent working in the church nursery.

In Sue Monk Kidd’s book When the Heart Waits, she reminds us that praying is as much letting Jesus talk to us as it is us talking to him. This tells me that our devotion to God isn’t just giving him our list of what’s on our hearts. Being devoted means letting him speak into our hearts. It means letting him find who we are in a quiet posture, receiving grace and, of course, resting. The work of prayer is allowing our Savior to truly dwell in every part of our being.

While I was growing up, I heard much talk about “daily devotions” or “quiet time.” Books and journals meant to guide us through our morning Scripture routine were plentiful. Many required writing out our thoughts on the passage, a prayer, or the application to our life. They were all helpful in growing in knowledge of the Word and settling in to focus on our spiritual life, but I believe we need to add one more piece: listening. Not just taking in the written word but allowing the Holy Spirit to capture our hearts. It’s a perfect time to rest in him.

These past several weeks have been filled with quiet contemplation, balancing old beliefs about what it means to be productive. Growing our faith isn’t increased only by our busy hours or the appearance of productivity. Our faith grows in the waiting, in the listening, in the hearing, and, yes, in the rest.

Jemelene Wilson is a passionate storyteller who writes of faith, hope, love, and food. She’s madly in love with her pastor husband and mama bear to two daughters. Grace is a fairly new concept she is exploring with her life and words. Mama Jem believes we should live gently and love passionately. You can find more of her writing at jemelene.com.

Photograph © Maria Teneva, used with permission