Content in All Things

Today I woke in pain again, after a fitful night of little sleep.

This season of pain has been long. Beginning in sixth grade with a knee injury and then throughout my life, including at all major life events, I have dealt with this same nagging pain of severe osteoarthritis. Spending my first day of college on crutches. Limping through pregnancies and toddlerhood with my babies, wishing I could run and catch them. Missing the adventures I used to have with my husband, even though often limping, now unable to experience them at all. I feel cheated, like I’m “too young for this.” I often have long periods of dreary Novembers in my heart, times when the tears roll down my face just like the rain runs down the cold window pane.

I don’t tell you this for sympathy or to gain attention but to encourage you if you’re often in a season of lasting despair or trouble. The apostle Paul knew pain that most of us cannot imagine, and he knew it regularly. Yet in his pain of shipwreck, hunger, beatings, and imprisonments, his goal was being content in all things and in all circumstances so that God might be glorified.

Suffering is hard. We don’t like it, we don’t invite it, and usually we suffer not in just one area of life but in multiple ways. When physical pain comes, we often become depressed. We lose dreams and hopes for our future when we can’t physically perform the tasks and reach the goals we’ve set for ourselves. We can’t easily relax or have fun. We feel we let others down. Emotional pain, anxiety, fears, and worry are all a form of suffering that can lead to spiritual and physical pain. It can all feel overwhelming, and we can want to give up.

I’m learning that even though I can at times be grumpy, I can also be willing to allow God to make me content in all things. Some days I spend on crutches or rolling in an office chair when I have to accomplish things quickly. Other days I rest more. But no matter what the day looks like, I am not alone in it. Jesus said he is like a brother to us. He called us his friends. He loves us like this, that while we were sinners he died for us. So I know for sure he cares about my pain. When he doesn’t take it away, he still is there holding me up and helping me press on. I want my life to be for his glory. I want to point others to him by the way I manage the hard times.

Fighting for faith and joy are kind of new ideas for me, but it has been birthed out of suffering. If something is worth having, it often is worth fighting for. Some days I have to wrestle with God and beg for joy and faith. I often seem to have lost sight of him even though I know he is there and not leaving me. That is his promise. I have to learn to lean into grace and rest in his love even when I can’t feel his love or see it. I guess it’s like being a child again, learning to trust my parents when their ways seem hard and unfair or wrong to me. I have to trust my Father that this pain is not wasted in my life. It will bring strength, faith, and holiness if I persevere and fight for faith.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9–11, Paul says, “He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (ESV).

I’m learning to allow small things to bring me joy: my toddler’s laugh, my sons and their funny jokes, the cat curled in my lap, a hot cup of coffee. But for deeper, lasting, unending joy, I look to God. I spend time in his Word and talking with him, knowing he is good and always will be, no matter my circumstances. No trinkets or self care can bring the kind of joy he brings, the joy that knows that even in suffering he will not leave me. He holds my days and my nights and my whole life right in his hand. He promises that in this world there will be trouble, but he will never leave me.

Gina Grizzle is a wife, mama, and aspiring writer who has a passion to share her life with other women in order to encourage them to be the best they can for the kingdom. At home in East Tennessee, Gina loves to fluff her nest, squeeze her sweet kids, and read books. She blogs at ginagrizzle.blogspot.com.