Words for the Season: Joy and Compassion

I love a good pumpkin spice latte. But as soon as I take my first sip of one in early- to mid- September, my brain and body begin feeling as if they’re being forcibly dragged to the end of the calendar year—and with increasing urgency. By October 1, the holiday season is here for most of us. It’s time for fall festivals and events, quickly followed by Halloween. Then prep begins in earnest for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. I adore this time of year, as so many people do, but often I feel so overwhelmed that what should be fun becomes misery. And my expectations are almost never met.

This year I’m making some small adjustments to how I make my decisions and how I spend my time.

Many people choose a word of the year in January—a sentiment to live by for the next twelve months. This year, from October through January, I’m choosing two words: joy and compassion.

We all have busy lives filled with commitments, opportunities, responsibilities, family, friends, and more (there is always more). But we don’t have to do it all. It would be lovely to take the kids on a fall weekend outing complete with apple picking, hayrides, and pumpkins, but if said outing is likely to lead to tantrums, fighting, and tears, maybe fall fun looks different for your family. Maybe this year you skip the pumpkin patch in favor of pumpkins picked up at the local grocery store. Baking cookies is a classic Christmastime affair, but if you hate baking—or at least the mess—why force yourself? Instead, find something you love to do and invite people you love to enter into it with you.

Before making a decision about what to do, I plan to ask myself, Will this bring me joy? Will it bring my family joy? If it’s more likely that the party, the event, the festival will feel like meeting an obligation or like an Instagram-required photo op, I’m giving myself permission to say no. I may need to go to some parties because work or circumstances require it, but as it turns out, I absolutely have to do very few things. It will be okay if I prioritize my own joy.

I believe my family and I are worth this approach. I believe we deserve to do what brings us joy and peace, not what Pinterest or social media or even the in-laws tell us we must do. I also believe others are deserving of joy, so these next few months, I’m intentionally choosing compassion as well. I’m looking for ways my children and I can serve others. For instance, we plan to attend a service event with our church. I also plan to think of those who might be overlooked when deciding whom to invite to an event or to whom I’ll send a card.

In November we’ll go to Orlando, where we hope to take in the Avatar ride at Disney World’s Animal Kingdom. In the movie Avatar, the Omaticaya people have a saying that translates to “I see you.” As my family and I make decisions and plans for how we spend our time, I want us to see others. I want us to see their needs, their potential, their hopes. I want us to have the margin and space in our days to choose compassion for others.

I don’t have it all figured out, but I know I’ll do less overall. I’m skipping hosting a big holiday event at my home for Thanksgiving because it brings me more joy to travel with my family and experience Thanksgiving differently this year. I’m choosing to send Christmas cards this year because designing cards gives me joy and because I believe I can show care for others with a simple note. I’m saying yes to fewer holiday parties because having an overfilled calendar does not bring me joy and isn’t compassionate for my children.

Your choices might be different. Your words for the season might be different. I don’t know the right choices for everyone to make as we enter into the holiday season. Maybe for you, it’s more holiday baking and less holiday travel. Maybe it’s store-bought Halloween costumes instead of homemade. Maybe it’s hosting a party for your neighbors because you and they deserve it. Maybe it’s choosing one activity each family member wants to do in December and skipping the previous traditions (they will still be there next year if you want to pick them up again!).

The Bible encourages us to love others as we love ourselves (Matt. 22:39). To love myself well this holiday season, I’m choosing joy. And to love others well, I’m choosing compassion. I don’t have to do all the things, and neither do you. I intend to let joy and compassion guide me. If you think they will serve you well, I invite you to let them guide you too. I hope they lead you not only to a great pumpkin spice latte but to wholehearted living throughout this season.

Heather Henderson was a pastor in Maryland for 8 years before stepping full-time into work as a life and leadership coach, author, and speaker. She is married with three kids, a gorgeous dog, and a Betta named Pepperoni. She loves helping people find their best lives and work toward living them. Connect with Heather at HeatherMHenderson.com.

Photograph © Alisa Anton, used with permission