Who Am I Reflecting?

Our footsteps echoed on the wooden planks as we left the riverbank and stepped out over the water. The old walking bridge had stretched across that expanse of dark river for as long as the townspeople could remember. Several generations had held hands and stood right there in the center of the bridge, watching the lazy flow of water gently meander under their feet and return to view on the other side.

When your feet have left one bank but haven’t quite reached the next, you can stop right there and find yourself in the middle of two worlds—caught in the between of heaven and earth. The above is reflected so perfectly in the water below that it can be difficult to tell which way is up.

Lately, I find myself often caught between two worlds. Our family recently sold our house and most of our belongings to commit to a season of full-time travel. My husband is working as a pediatric critical care travel nurse, and I’m homeschooling our three kids while we tag along. Every thirteen weeks, we find ourselves on the road again, heading to a new town.

To walk each path the Lord leads us down has been an incredible exercise in faith. I call it the “best worst thing” for my often-anxious heart—to learn to trust God in all the small details of this unusual way of living.

This has also been the most epic adventure of our lives. We’ve experienced life among the rocky coasts of New England, the rolling farmlands of North Carolina, and the breathtaking beauty of the Sierra Nevada mountain meadows and Lake Tahoe. We’ve grown to dearly love these little towns and big cities we’ve called “home” along the way.

But like all great adventures, this one does not come without sacrifice.

Many days, I feel torn between two places. I feel disloyal to my hometown for falling in love with our current city, and then I feel disloyal to where we are today for looking forward to what’s next.

When we first arrive in a new place, we try to learn as much about the area as possible. We find the grocery store and try to memorize the layout. We find the library and grab the schedule of events catering to kids. We find a church and try to join a small group, even if it’s for just a few months.

We try to invest our hearts and go deep in our new community. Even though the roots we plant are temporary, we nurture them much more than if we were just visiting on vacation. When we immerse ourselves in a new town, we often find ourselves taking on aspects of the local culture.

We giggle when we hear one of us slip into the local accent or use phrases often heard around the region. We grow to have an appreciation and love for the food and music of the area. We inevitably begin to reflect our surroundings.

I have found this to be true of myself in many ways. Whether it’s a podcast I’ve been binging, or a television series I’ve been watching, or a book I’ve been reading, I find myself using phrases or words from whatever material I’ve been soaking up. I begin to spill out what I put into my heart and mind. I can always tell when I haven’t been surrounding myself with the healthiest choices.

This is where my kids are the most helpful—when my three little mirrors begin reflecting what they see of me. They’re always observing, quietly reflecting my attitudes and moods, for better or for worse.

If I’m short-tempered, anxious, or feeling negative about having to sign up for yet another grocery store rewards card, it won’t be long before I see my kids feeling short-tempered, anxious, or negative about having to get to know yet another town. On the flip side, when I have a positive attitude, putting on a brave face and finding the adventure in exploring a new produce section, their hearts are encouraged, and they have a more positive outlook on life.

In Luke 6:45 (NIV) we read these words: “The mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

I constantly need to check myself and make adjustments where needed. What am I putting into my mind, heart, and soul? What is spilling out of me? What am I reflecting to others?

Each one of us will leave an impression on those around us. When we leave the room, the town, or this world, how do we want to be remembered? What reflections do we want to ripple through the waters of our lives?

My prayer is that God will give us all a hunger and thirst for his Word. My hope is we will surround ourselves with his presence. And I pray we will all find ourselves filled with abundant grace so we might reflect hope, peace, joy, and love to our communities.

Ashley Doyle Pooser is a part-time writer and full-time wanderer. She is married to a travel nurse and homeschools her three kids on the road. She’s basically flying by the seat of her pants thirteen weeks at a time. You never know where you might cross paths with her, but you can bet she’ll be singing car karaoke and documenting all her shenanigans on Instagram at @thisonetinylife.