Who Are You When Nobody’s Looking?
“Everything is on CCTV here, including some traffic lights. Don’t be surprised if people don’t stop at red lights, though; they know where the cameras are and where they aren’t.”
This was part of the briefing on our new military installation during the driver’s license exam. Driving in a new country was already an overwhelming proposition, and now I had to worry about crazy drivers and cameras monitoring my every move!
We’ve lived here for three months now. Our house is in a rural part of the country, so I drive to the post through rice fields and residential areas where gardens abound. I see very little grass because every spare bit of soil is used to grow food to either eat or sell at our local market. The perimeters of the food gardens, though, are reserved for beauty. Flowers line the streets, displaying the care and skill of the gardeners who live in each home.
The abundance of charm in our little section of the world comes with another benefit: we have almost no traffic cameras along our route to the post, and very few cars are on the road. This, however, leads me to a moral dilemma: do I do what’s right, or do I do what’s easy?
You see, the red-light cycles for the traffic lights along my route are long. Think of the longest stoplight you’ve ever endured. Now multiply that time by seven. Then throw the timing off a little bit, so you have to sit at each one. There you have it! Now, imagine that no cars are coming from the other directions and you’re running ten minutes late. And whenever another car does come up behind you, the driver runs the light because there are no cameras.
What do you do?
As a rule-follower, I can’t bring myself to run the light. I did consider it once when I was in the middle of nowhere. Nobody was around, and I looked for cameras and didn’t see any. Just as I was about to pull through, though, I felt a tug at my heart, and a question ran through my mind: Who are you when no one’s looking?
It took me by surprise. But I wouldn’t have hurt anyone. I was alone. No other cars were on the road. And because there were no cameras, I would never be held responsible for my tiny indiscretion. What was the harm in doing the wrong thing if no one was there to hold me accountable? Who would know?
Well, I would know. And so would God.
I don’t believe our beloved Lord sits up in heaven with his own CCTV monitoring our mistakes and taking notes. However, I do believe he observes whether our hearts are in alignment with his, especially when we’re all alone. What we do when no one is around to judge us or for us to impress is the truest measure of who we are in Christ. We should reflect him always, not just in front of an audience.
Proverbs 11:20 reminds us that “the Lord detests people with crooked hearts, but he delights in those with integrity” (NLT). “Crooked hearts” sounds extreme, doesn’t it? I mean, I’m a relatively nice person, and I don’t go around acting “crooked.” But Solomon wasn’t talking about crooked actions; he was talking about crooked hearts. Our hearts can’t be seen by anyone but God, and we can’t hide our crookedness from him—even when we’re fantastic at hiding it from others and often ourselves.
My greatest joy is that God knows my crooked heart and loves me anyway. That he knows every ugly thought, dishonest word, and impure motive, yet his faithfulness remains. He sent his Son to save me despite my gross imperfections. My crookedness doesn’t cause him to turn away; he forgives it. He pulls me closer despite it. It breaks my heart that sometimes my response to this extravagant grace is more disobedience. Extra measures of crookedness.
David knew this kind of disobedience all too well. A man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22), his crookedness was still ever apparent. When he wrote Psalm 51, he declared his guilt and begged God for help in making things right. In verse 10 he asks God to “Create in me a clean heart . . . Renew a loyal spirit within me” (NLT). David is considered one of the godliest men in history, yet he had to plead for his heart to align with the Father’s.
No amount of human effort is ever going to make our hearts pure, but with God’s help, we can reflect who he is a bit more. We can see a straightening of our paths. We just have to seek him and ask him to create pure hearts in us.
I don’t know what your brand of crookedness looks like. I have no clue who you are when no one is watching or what thoughts lie in the deepest parts of your soul. I also don’t know the pain you’ve experienced that allows those thoughts and actions to occur. But God gets it. He understands better than anyone because he made you and loves you. If you’re holding on to something only God can see, like I am, will you pray David’s prayer with me? That God would create pure hearts and renew loyal spirits within us?
What a gift it would be to have one less thought or action to hide! If we hold tightly to the Lord, eventually it won’t matter whether the cameras are there. We’ll be so focused on him that we won’t care who’s watching—or honking because we’re still sitting at the eternally red stoplight.
is a full-time Army wife and mom, and an occasional teacher of first graders. She is an unapologetic follower of Jesus and the University of North Carolina Tar Heels. Becky holds a bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education from UNC, and dreams of writing a book. She blogs at beckyyurisich.com.
Photograph © Neonbrandy, used with permission
