The Antidote to Envy

Envy is defined as “a feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by another’s desirable possessions or qualities, accompanied by a strong desire to have them for oneself.”

Envy is equally damaging to all parties involved, the perpetrator as well as the object of envy. I think that envy, more than any other emotion, takes our eyes off God and puts the intensity of our focus on something/someone else. It brings something that is not God to the forefront and center of our lives.

Envy is insatiable because it stems from desire that is not rooted in God, so we begin to believe we never have enough. The English word derives from the Latin invidere, which means to “look askance upon,” as in “give someone the evil eye.” Its previous uses include “malice” and “spite.” That’s some strong language there.

If we take a close look at our hearts when we are in a place of envying someone else, we can find some common roots that have taken hold.

Roots of Envy

1. Greed: I want what they have because I don’t have enough. It’s all about me. They got my share.
2. Competition: I need to be better, look better, live better than they do. If they’re winning, I’m losing. So, I can’t truly love my neighbor and want what’s best for them because I keep adding the caviat “as long as it’s second best, because it can’t be better than mine.”
3. Lack of trust: I don’t think God wants what’s best for me. Is he holding out on me? Does he love them more?

Here’s the deal behind these roots—they stem from a very small place.

A small view. A small mind. A moment of smallness in my heart.

We look at the edited version of someone or something and covet the good parts. But if we looked through the full scope, we might find a different ending than we saw coming.

We might see that the fit woman at the gym is trying to get thinner so her husband will stop having affairs. The guy speeding by in the fancy car is on his way to his child’s chemo appointment. The mom with perfect-looking kids suffers from crippling anxiety. The intimidating woman at work grew up with an abusive mother who still berates and belittles her.

We don’t see the whole story, though. We only see the highlight reel. But the highlight reel is not reality. And if we allow it, it will create dissatisfaction and dissension in our lives, which can cause some serious damage.

If looking around gets us into the mess, then it stands to reason that only looking up will get us out.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2 NIV).

Once we do, we can work on neutralizing the roots and the damage that ensues.

Antidotes to Envy

1. Gratitude: Start every day with a list of things you’re grateful for. Focusing on all that God has done for us instead of what we think he hasn’t changes our perspective. It reminds us of his goodness and brings our blessings to the forefront of our minds.
2. Joy: Joy is rooted in gratitude. Once it’s planted, it helps us to remain steady. Stormie O’Martian says this so well: “The joy of the Lord is rich and deep and causes anyone who walks in it to be likewise. That’s because joy doesn’t have anything to do with happy circumstances; it has to do with looking into the face of God and knowing He’s all we’ll need.”
3. Love: God should be the focus of our love and hope. When we fully focus on God’s love, we can translate it to others. We can love our neighbor as ourselves. There is no envy here, because I only want what’s best for you. I can be secure enough for that, because I know God loves me with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3) and will never reject me (Isaiah 41:9).
4. Faith: We must remember that God is God and we are not. He’s looking at the Big Picture. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight (Hebrews 4:13). I can’t find balance and the full measure of faith in a loving and generous God if I spend all of my time and energy focused on what He hasn’t done for me, on what He hasn’t given me. On what I see over there, in my neighbor’s story.

Envy robs me of his plan if I let it derail me from his path.

The times in my life I look back on with the most regret are the times I have allowed envy to rule my thoughts, color my perceptions, and drive my actions. They are the times I:

• Let unwholesome talk come out of my mouth
• Found pleasure in the trials or embarrassments of others
• Disliked someone for no reason other than I envied something about them
• Did not genuinely celebrate someone else’s blessings

They’ve been times when I’ve felt angry—at the other person, at my circumstances, at my husband or kids for not being good enough, even though they are.

They’ve been times when I’ve been scared to fail, to be found lacking, or to run out of what I need.

They’ve been times when I’ve felt despair that I’ll never measure up. Times when I’ve thought, Why keep running my race and fighting the good fight?

Mostly, they’re the times I’m most ashamed of because they’re examples of how not to shine with the light of Jesus. They’re the times I’ve failed him most. And that’s a bitter pill to swallow.

And yet.

God still loves me with an everlasting love. People in my life continue to forgive, and love me. I am still valuable. I still have a purpose. He still has a plan for me. My jagged edges make me interesting. My shattered places make me relatable. My dark moments highlight the light when it shines.

That’s a story I can fully embrace.

Rebecca Greebon is a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and child of the One True King. She has a passion for sharing with others how amazing they are, how much they are loved, and how blessed every day is, even when we are lost or distracted or completely over ourselves and the world. Rebecca blogs at theriverchick.com.

Photograph © Alexandru Zdrobău, used with permission